The Wadest profile picture

The Wadest

About Me

I grew up wild in the Arizona deserts, raised by a pack of Javelina Boars. They were sweet and loving, but they smelled like flatulence and burnt sasquatch hair. At the age of nine, I wandered into a human campground, where they fed me something called "bacon." It was crispy and had a flavor far more sumptuous than the grass and brush I had been grazing on theretofore. Within 2 weeks, I had eaten my entire Javelina family. Alone, I had to find a place in human society, where I could "work" for something called "money" and buy more of this "bacon." So here I am, writing on the "internet." That's about it. Oh, and If I could kill people with kindness, I'd bake fresh cinnamon buns for white guys with corn-rows.I also don't care for flakey people. If you are one, jump in a big cereal bowl with the other flakes and pour milk on yourself and let Reuben Studdard eat you. Peace out!

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Ralph Macchio. A sultry woman. And this stealthy ninja...Oh, and this other classically trained martial artist..... width="425" height="350">.. ..>

My Blog

Mad about Cows

There are many unsung, unthanked heroes in this world; fast-food workers, the guy that plucks cigarette butts out of urinals, Montell Williams, etc... The cow is more underrated than all of these. Rem...
Posted by on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:35:00 GMT

Christmas in Hollywood

T'was the night before Christmasand all through the house(actually it's a single apartmentand the guest bed's a couch)but the point is it seemed likea rare quiet nightthe cops had just broken upa tran...
Posted by on Tue, 02 Jan 2007 01:03:00 GMT

Kozy Shack Rice Pudding

It's time I shared my feelings about this scrumptious treat... With poem.Dear Kozy Shack rice puddingwhy are you so good?you're one of only 14 foodsthat can give me woodeat my own body weight in you?I...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Dec 2006 15:22:00 GMT

Valentines poem for the ladies

Well I love the ladiesand I think it showsI love your little elbowsand I love your little toesI love your pretty hairI love your pretty noseI love when you raise your armand your belly-button showsI l...
Posted by on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 01:41:00 GMT

Sweet Thanksgiving ponderings

We should never wait until a holiday to appreciate the things we have, but they're still good opportunities to remind us to be thankful if otherwise we haven't been. In these times of contemplation, I...
Posted by on Fri, 25 Nov 2005 12:37:00 GMT

I got a sunburn today

Being a cracker is not all fun and games. Some people think it's cool to catch killer waves, and have scrabble parties, but there are some serious downsides. Not the least of which is that I dance lik...
Posted by on Mon, 18 Apr 2005 00:12:00 GMT

I'm tired of you not making out with me

Listen girl, I'm a patient man. I like to gaze at you from afar, and I'm not mad at you for having a boyfriend.. But I have to be honest, I'm really tired of you not making out with me. I've been putt...
Posted by on Sun, 17 Apr 2005 11:33:00 GMT

RIP Ol' Dirty Bastard AKA Dirt McGirt

It's hard without you here, old dirt dog. Why did you leave us? I try to keep hope, but the world has lost it's most priceless gem, it's saving grace. Whether you were impregnating a crack whore, or b...
Posted by on Sun, 17 Apr 2005 11:04:00 GMT