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I am here for Friends

About Me

Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Bruce Springsteen, Sandy Koufax, Paul Merino, Dave Letterman, Kirk Gibson, Jenna Fischer (with or without the desert island), Bill Bryson, and Someone willing to babysit my nieces and nephews on holidays.

My Blog

Friendly Skies. . .

    I gazed at the aptly titled first-class stewardess, and wanted her to be my lab partner in a graphically thorough human sexuality course. My stewardess, however, looked as though he...
Posted by on Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:17:00 GMT

A Night at the Opera. . . (Part Two)

    Previously. . . On Paul's Blog(A desperate man breathing heavily) "I'll make it. . . I promise." (Cue Doctor's entrance) "I'm afraid, Mr. Merino, the discomfort you feel  ...
Posted by on Sat, 17 Nov 2007 15:59:00 GMT

A Night at the Opera. . . (Part One)

    It is a rarity for me when a Fall Sunday consists of too much more than professional football and wing sauce that could be used to degrease a diesel engine. That is why this past we...
Posted by on Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:28:00 GMT

Country Road

    Dear Sarah,At first, I thought you were just some drunken hoodlum that stumbled across my page. Upon further review, I found out that you were a friend of two drunken hoodlums, Scot...
Posted by on Sat, 08 Sep 2007 02:03:00 GMT

Breakfast of Champions. . .

    Since society refuses to recognize my intrinsic worth and shower me with cash, concubines, and free cinnamon rolls, I am forced to sully my hands with a day job. Actually, it is mor...
Posted by on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 13:07:00 GMT

By Any Other Name. . .

    There is a word that you say when you are in the process of setting off the fire alarm in your apartment for the second time in as many weeks. This word is "Shit." Predictable? Cert...
Posted by on Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:46:00 GMT

Just starting out

I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Hopefully, this page will turn into the kind of thing that I can be drunkenly proud of like my ability to pick things up with my toes or the fact I've never bee...
Posted by on Thu, 23 Nov 2006 22:56:00 GMT