A bald eagle. How does one get to become the national bird anyway? And what's so great about an eagle? If you ask me they must be relying on good PR because the truth is not pretty my friends. Why would you want a national bird that could peck your eyes out? If you ask me screech owls are the perfect blend of ferocity and cuteness that could only improve our nation's international standing. If we can't be the national bird, couldn't we at least represent this country in the UN? Surely we would be less controversial than John Bolton (and cuter I might add, even when we're molting). So if any bald eagles would like to let me in on the secret of their success, just let me know. There's a disembowled mouse in it for you.