About Me
He was always wallowing in mud and muck, making his nose smutty, his face dirty, his mouth open as he chased flies, running wildly after butterflies. He pissed all over his shoes, shat on his shirt, blew his nose on his sleeves, and splashed and paddled and drabbled everywhere. He sharpened his teeth on wooden shoes, washed his hands with soup, combed his hair with a wineglass, ate his humble pie and crow without a napkin, chewed as he laughed and laughed as he chewed, often spat in the collection plate, emitted good fat farts, pissed at the sun, hid under the water to avoid the rain, walked around in a daze, daydreaming, played at billing and cooing, threw up all over, made his teeth clack together like a monkey reciting a prayer, said the first thing that came into his head (and then forgot it), did the wrong thing at the right time, kicked a slave so the master would learn a lesson, put the cart in front of the horse, scratched when he didn't itch, wormed out other people's secrets, grabbed at everything and picked up nothing, ate his cake before he ate his meal, tilted at windmills, tickled himself so he could laugh, made fun of the gods, made a fool of himself (and tried to make a fool of Mother Nature), ruined reams of expensive paper, ran like hell, drank like a fish, reckoned without his host, beat around the bush (without catching any birds), believed that clouds were curtains and the moon was made of green cheese, made an ass of himself if he got paid for it, used his fist for a hammer, believed that Rome was certainly built in a day, always looked a gift horse in the mouth, counted his chickens before they hatched, pushed his luck, placed all of his eggs in one basket, couldn't tell cock from bull, dropped a pinch of sugar in a vat of vinegar, collected water in a sieve, made a virtue of necessity, cut off his nose to spite his face, split all the hairs he liked, always cast his pearls before swine, and vomited every morning like a drunken lord.
