"Who am I? Why am I here?"
-- Admiral Stockdale, 1992 Vice-Presidential Debate
Yes Admiral, you ask the questions that everyone wants to know. Some trek to the remote mountains and seek enlightenment from a yogi, but personally I don't trust bears who steal pic-a-nic baskets.
The real questions are not who I am (who I am is me) or why I am here (why am I here is simply to confound and entertain), but they are "Why would people actually choose to listen to Britney Spears?" and "If a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich attacked you, what pants would you be wearing?" Think about it... it's a very intense internal debate.
As you can see, seriousness and me don't get along. I can "do" serious if I need to, but luckily I don't really need to that often. I would much rather crack a joke and raise an eyebrow. It's my firm and unyielding belief that there's enough crap in the world to make you furrow your brow and frown, but only the true friends in your life will attempt to make jackasses out of themselves for your personal amusment. It's that friend that I try to be. Just got dumped by your significant other? We'll get booze, commiserate, and spread nasty rumours regarding their fondness for sheared sheep. Just lost a job? We'll sneak to that building after hours and moon the security cameras. Basically, it's all about the smiles folks.So that's me... hopefully that answered some of your questions. Of course if one of your questions was "If you were travelling at the speed of light and then farted, would you go faster or just blow your intestines out your nose?" then I guess I didn't answer that one. Sorry. If you need more information that that, well... to quote a rasslin' cowboy: "Sorry about your damn luck."
