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I'm a 317 page poetry book inspired by Charles Bukowski.
Title: Drug Deal With God
Publishing Company: skybloom
Author: Kelly Cronk
Press Run: Kal Tobe Press
Release Date: May 5, 2000
ISBN: 0-9700175-7-X
LCCN: 00-190500
Pages: 317
Cover Photo: James Mahlon
Author Photo: Jennifer Hanson
Publisher’s Cataloging Quality Books, Inc.
Content: Poetry
Style: Bukowski, Burroughs
Distributor: N/A
Internet Vendors: Amazon.com
Book Vendors: Book Soup (West Hollywood)
GET A SIGNED FIRST EDITION COPY!!
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Enjoy!!
BOOK EXCERPTS
DECISION
I chased after a dream
I walked away from one
I'm not sure which is harder
COMMUNICATION
I am too much of a genius
to understand
what the fuck
normal, average people
are saying
COCAINE
there were only going to be
300 poems in this book
and then I found out about you
why did you give up on us baby?
I remember your million dollar smile
and the way you would embrace me
you had everything going for you
I know you tried
to beat this disease of addiction
and it won...
I wish you had tried a little harder
instead of hanging yourself
in your shower on Mulholland Drive
I wish I could have told you
it is in our darkest hour
when we need to know
our life is just beginning..
SKYBLOOM
I want a Jimi Hendrix angel
to show me the heaven
that I never dared to live
DUMB
I'm a genius disguised as a blonde.
I will always let them THINK
they have the upper hand,
but they don't know shit.
FIGHTING ME?
If I held a 2x4 next to your head
would you say, "you loved me"?
or would you ignore me instead...
grab a beer out of the fridge
and say YOU'RE FUCKED IN THE HEAD
if I threw myself out a window
would you miss me?
or would you beg a streetcleaner
to wipe the stain off the sidewalk
before they could
discover me?
DEBT
I had a dream the other night
I got a bill in the mail
it was for
Male Achievement Envy
I only owed 36.00
A SMILE
we are afraid to give them away
as though warming up someone else's day
would be expensive
ABSOLUTE HISTORY
1967 I was born
1968 I began drinking scotch
1969 man landed on the moon
1970 old enough to hear them scream
1971 smart enough to hide
1972 began drinking wine
1973 lost my wine privileges
1974 became suicidal
1975 decided to become a writer
1976 ended up becoming a thief and a liar
1977 fell victim to my childhood conspiracy
1978 left my friends behind
1979 parents got divorced
1980 nobody played with me
1981 found friends who didn't know me
1982 fell in love
1983 lost my virginity
1984 met Jack Daniel's
1985 I got sober
1986 I grew up
1987 got my heart broken
1988 couldn't pull the trigger
1989 considered prostitution
1990 began writing again
1991 ended up in a mental hospital
1992 almost got drunk
1993 moved to Los Angeles
1994 Rock and Roll
1995 chased after some dreams
1996 lost all my ambition
1997 got out of Los Angeles
1998 found my freedom
1999 humbled myself
2000 I'm still waiting to see if I live through this
PURE
I never compromised my soul
unless I could walk away
REACTION
sometimes
I feel worthless
sometimes
I feel powerful
sometimes
I feel intimidating
sometimes
I feel beautiful
depending on the crowd
I never know
what I'm going to be
until,
I look into their eyes
LESSONS (revised version)
Leora taught me how to smoke Marlboros
Jennifer taught me how to meditate by candlelight
Alisa taught me how to value friendship
Christine taught me how to play pool her way
Leigh taught me how to piss properly in an alley
Malvina taught me how to seduce a man
Elise taught me how to get Botox injections
Monique taught me how to scream
Deborah taught me how to be silent
Beth taught me how to capture some Peace
Kelly taught me how to look beautiful without makeup
Jean Marie taught me how to have children someday
AFFECTION
He knows I love him
even when he sees
my fist
going for his face
SUICIDE NOTE
fuck everyone
I hope your death
is more tragic than mine
DISCONTENT
ten bottles and it ain't enough
ten valium and it only makes you numb
a thousand lies weighing you down
more painful than the needle going into your arm
it's not forever, only gone
for as long as the sun
you'll wake up and turn over
throwing up your dirty secrets
as you run for the door
the rage will follow you
forget about leaving your world behind
the spirit you drained long ago
still haunts your mind
ten meetings could save your life
but then, why would you?
MISSING YOU
I still feel pain when I think of him
we were young and alive and late one night
he tried suicide
they brought him back,
pumped his stomach
and shoved him into a hospital bed
he was always laughing and smiling
telling dumb jokes
he had nightmares, maybe some regrets
but he was never quite the same
and I accepted that
some time passed, we forgot about things
if pain was corrupting him
he never came to me
a single gunshot to the head
I've never seen him since
never heard his laughter
never asked him to quit
where is my friend
with blue eyes and blonde hair
somewhere out there
wishing he could tell me
I'm at peace...
sometimes I think it should have been me
for he was destined to stay alive
but that one lonely night
his angel must have been
on a cigarette break
and missed the whole damn thing
DIAMOND
mirror of a strange reflection
an ocean of sweat
a lightening bolt turns me on
I'm dripping
I freeze into a small teardrop
steel molten high on me
I breathe lithium
and they want more
you could never afford me
FATE
somewhere along the highway
I see a dead cat
barbed wire fences and gray sky
and empty land
I enclose my mind
into an isolated memory
of a dirty city I have escaped from
I cringe from the fear
but it always catches up with me
and someday
I just know it...
I'm going to end up
like that dead cat
on Highway 75
HEAVEN
I don't belong at this table
where the pretentious air
only suffocates me
I drift elsewhere
away from the mindless chatter
and move out through the glass window
to the local merchant store
across the street
where a big sign hangs above the door
BEER
CIGARS
SHOTGUNS
I can't think of a better place to go...
DENIAL
I scoff in the face
of danger
and tremble
in the presence
of god
"Burroughs and Bukowski would be proud!"
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