MyGen
Profile Generator
Throughout my life I have been the worst nightmare of the international communist conspiracy. In '46 I beat Jerry Voorhis and his commie-backed union thugs to win California's 12th Congressional District. In '48 I put the arm on commie spy Alger Hiss who took advantage of an ailing FDR to secure Soviet Russia's Eastern European buffer. In '50 I stuck it to the Pink Lady, Helen Douglas, and won one of California's two Senate seats. That commie bitch was pink right down to her granny panties. if you ignored the urine stains.
Ike called on me to shore up his support with the right wing, so I became Vice - President of the United States. The job wasn't too tough so Pat and I became regulars on the D.C. swinger circuit.But its taken over 50 years to get Pat to do it with another chick.
I did not kill JFK. Fuck Oliver Stone. Sure I was in Dallas at the time of the shooting. But only to address my law firms obligations to the Pepsi-Cola Company.
If it had not been for my Linebacker II bombing campaign, America would not have won the Vietnam War.
Only Nixon can go to China.
A lot has been made about the fact that I'm not afraid to call a Jew a Jew. But I am the only real friend that Isreal has ever had in the White House. Hell, in 1973 I threatened to nuke Russia if it fucked with Isreal during the Yom Kippur War. Talk about having your back.
My centrist domestic policies combined conservative rhetoric and liberal action on civil rights, environmental and economic initiatives. I created the EPA. I created OSHA. I indexed Social Security for inflation. I was progressive god dammit! Still I'm not good enough for you fawning, Kennedy loving sycophants. I am better than you!
My strong support of General Yahya Khan in the Indo-Pakistani war of 1973 was crucial in building the strong relationship that the United States has with Pakistan today.
If I hadn't threatened to kill Augusto Pinochet's children, that pussy never would have gone through with the military overthrow of the elected socialist government of Chile in 1973. Then where would we be.
LBJ did shit that made Watergate look like an Amway convention.
My triangular diplomacy played off the Soviets and Chinese against each other and forever divided the communist world. If Chinese manpower had ever combined with Soviet technology we would all be speaking Ruskese right now. But do I get any credit for winning the cold war? NOOOOOoooo. Ronald fucking Reagan gets the credit, a former red union boss. I was better than Reagan goddamnit.
Watergate was nothing more than a bloodless coup d'etat.
In my favorite dream G. Gordon Liddy kills John Dean in prison with a spoon, blood everywhere - Liddy shoves it in his throat and wiggles it from side to side as he forces Dean to the ground. Dean struggles in vain to plug the hole with his thumb, good times. Then Chuck Colson pimps out his whore wife Maureen to Congressmen - no - no - pimp her out to young angry black men - no - no - that was her clientele. I know, sell her for Pez to the Sultan of Brunai. The second part is ,more of a fantasy than a dream. Ah, the nights I slept well.
The 20th century will one day be referred to as the Age of Nixon.
When the President does it...
Add to My Profile | More Videos
