nyc

It's very hard to express myself right now. I feel inventive and inspired, and I'm getting ideas but I don't know how to turn them into reality, this always fucking happens, something great comes to me but I can't find the correct medium, or the correct way to put it down into a medium. I can get abstract rough drafts but I can never put down building blocks for something solid. Seems to be the ol' story, yes? I was trading poetry with Tony earlier through text. He writes better than he says he does, and he seems to have enjoyed what I've shared with him, which is good. I don't usually share... anything, at all. If you know one terribly secretive person, it's probably me. It's why I have a hard time conversing with people sometimes, I'm too cautious, plus I've been told to shut up so much in the past, or I've offended people, so I figure I'd better watch out and not say something that might piss someone off or something --but that's probably stupid, so, fuck you for conversing with me if you can't handle it anyway.So now I want to get into the following as mediums: film photography and story writing.I'd like to write an entire book some time, that's my goal, and I would also like to start making indie shorts and progress into a whole movie, and I want to make the soundtrack for it myself. As for photography, well, I just want to get into it because i've always been attracted to it, never had a really cool camera though... just the one which my mother gave (I've had several images before which I've promised to give to my brother) which is why I'm limited to writing and music, and that's fine, I just feel like I need to accomplish as much as possible, I guess, and I want to keep branching out and taking on projects so I can make something interesting out of it all. My goal with life is to make an impact on people somehow on the mass scale of things, but I want to go about it in all the right ways so I don't make any mistakes, and I'm not sure how far I'll get with any of that.As of now, I'm a science person and I have no fucking idea on how to balance my interest for art with it. Hell, I can only dream. I don't know what I'll end up making of myself, but you can bet that I'll figure something out that'll surprise the shit out of you, guaranteed. Sum me up with the phrase "that was unexpected", I'm not usually meeting anyone's expectations, I'll take the blame.----exerpt from my livejournal (http://www.livejournal.com/users/radi0laria)