Pfft, bios. *bombards you with quotes from awesome people instead*
"If priests can get away with screwing little boys, my imaginary son can have sex with men, goddammit!" —my friend Shelbie, who yelled this in the middle of the lunch line
"I am a pretty solid Christian, but there are no tears on my pillow when my commandments aren't outside my courts! Why? BECAUSE I PRAY IN MY CHURCH, NOT MY COURT. THAT'S WHY." —my friend Caroline
"EW PHYLLIS SCHLAFY. DIE DIE DIE. FIGURATIVELY IN CASE THE GOVERNMENT IS READING THIS." —my friend Abigail, who typed this during a Y!M conversation
TDS/TCR love.
"Divorce is not caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness." —Jon Stewart
"The facts have an anti-Bush agenda." —Rob Corddry
"What are you implying, Jon? That O’Reilly and Geraldo are narcissists enthralled in their own overblown egos, projecting their own petty insecurities on to the world around them, inventing false enemies for the sole purpose of bolstering their sense of self-importance, itty bitty Nixons minus the relevance or a hint of vision? How dare you!" —Stephen Colbert
M*A*S*H love.
"Looking at these...treasures, I now understand why Toledo is kept in Ohio." —Charles
(After being woken up at 5:30 in the morning.)
"A Winchester only recognizes one 5:30 per day. This is not it." —Charles
"You’re a victim too, Flagg, but you’re such an unbelievable example of walking fertilizer, it’s hard for me to care." —Sidney
Williamson: For your information, Walter Phillip Crichton has been named as a subversive by the House Committee.
Margaret: Wally Crichton? What could he have done that’s subversive?
Williamson: Walter Phillip Crichton was a founding member of an organization called, “Freedom For Tomorrow.â€
Hawkeye: Freedom? Disgusting. Next thing you know they’ll be threatening us with liberty and justice for all.
Sports Night love.
"If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people; if you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you!" —Isaac Jaffee
Boston Legal love.
"If Big Pharmaceutical can’t do it, maybe Big Religion can. And they are. They’re the ones who’ve coined the term ‘same-sex attraction disorder.’ It’s a very good name—very important a good name. It’s the crucial first step in disqualifying homosexuals as a segment of the population and categorizing them as a disease. Makes homosexuals seem less like people and more like...the flu! And with terrible, awful symptoms. But curable. And therefore less concerning when it comes to things like an individual’s rights, freedom, privacy...marriage."
[snip]
"Well, you can legislate against it. You can give it a clever name and treat people for it. You can shut your eyes, have sex with your wife, and pretend it all feels right. You can join the church and swear to be celibate for the rest of your life. You can drive around on a Saturday night with a baseball bat and try to beat it out of some poor soul you happen to meet. You can even come to this courtroom and testify as to your new leaf and how well it’s all working. What a miracle. My only response is: give it time. We’ll see. Meanwhile, this company took $40,000 from my client, promising to cure him of his gayness. Only in America. Only in a country that overtly and notoriously celebrates its prejudice against a class of people by proposing constitutional amendments. God bless us all! Home of the brave! [To defendant.] Shame on you. Couldn’t you have at least offered a money-back guarantee—and thrown in a blender?" —Alan
More quotes!
"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd." —Voltaire
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." —Voltaire
"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead." —Charles Bukowski
"Deliberate with caution, but act with decision; and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness." —Charles Caleb Colton
"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known." —Carl Sagan
"I am a humanist, which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without any expectation of rewards or punishments after I'm dead." —Kurt Vonnegut
"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." —The Buddha
Okay, okay. If you really want to know about me, try these lyrics:
"I'm materialist.
A full-on realist.
I guess I'm full of doubt,
So I'm prone to have it out with you.
...
I'm materialist.
Call me a humanist.
I guess I'm full of doubt,
So I'll gladly have it out with you."
—Materialist, Bad Religion
"No one ever told me
about the right way to love,
And no one ever showed me
what we’re supposed to be made of.
So don’t be too forthright
about what you think that I should be,
And I’ll willingly accept your low opinion of me."
—Opinion, Greg Graffin
