Allen profile picture

Allen

Life's a dance with very poor coordination to a bad song.

About Me

..

I'm a rockin', poppin', heart-stoppin' ace of 56,852 trades, talents, and languages. I speak in tongues and scream and shout until your legs are fixed from Satan's clutches of paralysis. I'll turn you upside down. That's not meant to be clever, I just believe you'd enjoy it. Blood rushing to your head is an almost euphoric feeling with very little consequence. Just kidding. Gives you a head ache. But remember hanging from your legs off monkey bars as a child? Fucking astounding, right? So what's the arguement?
What else? I hate communists. I like to pretend we're still in the Cold War. I wish I'd been alive and old enough to fight in World War II, because Nazis are fucking assholes. If I had one wish, I'd double it up and wish to go back in time, kill Hitler, and bring down communism world-wide, single-handedly. I'd also really do my damnedest to get rid of hyphenated words.
Also, I'd like to state that in the period of me writing this, I've had Blade Runner on pause. This brings me to the conclusion of: Fuck this. I'm going to watch Harrison "Rick Deckard" Ford kill androids.
Also
Rick Deckard is not a Replicant! If you believe otherwise, choke on a fucking cock. Harrison Ford is the scourge of androids everywhere and is taking down Replicants like a motherfucker. Recognize. Werd.Hey, Why so serious, right?
The Dark Knight DID fucking rock! I don't have to change my name to Nancy, OR commit suicide!Also, there are some politicians I can really get behind
AOL IM: AllenTheAwesome

MSN:[email protected]

E-Mail: [email protected]

Dig on my site I never update, fag.
I like those saltless Jesus crackers.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Strata (as Downside) - Sleep

This layout done by Allen Christian for personal use only. Your orgasm courtesy of background image.

My Interests

Music, Movies, Books, Blood, Gore, Violence, Guns, Die Hard, 24, Rebellion, Robots, Miracles.

I'd like to meet:

Bruce Willis and Jesus

Music:

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tool, Pink Floyd, Led Zepplin, Deftones, A Perfect Circle, Strata, The Limousines, Puscifer, Thrice, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Rush, Blue Oyster Cult, Queen, Metallica, Kansas, Guns 'N' Roses, AC/DC, Queens of the Stone Age, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Foreigner, AFI (pre-Decemberunderground), Stevie Ray Vaughn, The Eagles, KISS, Megadeth, Elton John, Gnarls Barkley, Go Van Gogh, Blaqk Audio, Charlie Daniels Band, Lynyrd Skynyrd, James Blunt, Rise Against, Alice in Chains, Muse, Misfits, Danzig, Mos Def, Elvis Presely, Groove Armada, Daft Punk, NOZEBLEED, Outkast, Head Automatica, The Offspring, N.W.A., ZZ Top, Cherry Poppin' Daddies, Journey, Silverchair, Stevie Wonder, Wu Tang Clan, Scorpions, Pantera, Frank Sinatra, Stone Temple Pilots, Mudvayne, Bad Religion, Celldweller, Every Time I Die, Goo Goo Dolls, Atomship, 10 Years, Sevendust, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Greenwheel, System of a Down, The Darkness, Soundgarden, Flaw, Incubus, CKY, Bad Religion, All That Remains, Alkaline Trio, Bush, Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Atreyu, bunch of other stuff.

Movies:

The Dark Knight, Iron Man, There Will Be Blood, No Country for Old Men, Shoot 'Em Up, Live Free or Die Hard, Die Hard Trilogy, Blade Runner, El Mariachi, Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, From Dusk Till Dawn, Sin City, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, Natural Born Killers, Falling Down, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Sweeney Todd, First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, 3:10 To Yuma, Goodfellas, Scarface, The Godfather (all parts), Grindhouse (both films), Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Ocean's 11 (Sinatra/Rat Pack version), Batman Begins, Dollars Trilogy, The Departed, The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness, Rescue Dawn, Clockwork Orange, Smokin' Aces, Rocky Films, Full Metal Jacket, Sideways, Casablanca, Kill Bill, Dirty Harry Films, Escape from New York, Escape from L.A., 300, Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks II, Halloween (original, new one good also but not a favorite), 007 Films, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters, Airplane!, Airplane 2, Space Balls, Naked Gun movies, Predator, Predator 2, Alien, Aliens, The Matrix (first one only), The Devil's Advocate, Saw (first only), Ghostbusters 1 & 2, Event Horizon, Spider-Man 1 & 2, X-Men 1 & 2, The Punisher, Jurassic Park (stick the second and third), and plenty of other great ones. I only like the very best in cinema. Which means not M. Night Shyamalan.

Television:

24, Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Perfect Hair Forever, Sealab 2021, 12 Oz. Mouse, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, Harvey Birdman, Frisky Dingo, Metalocalypse, Squidbillies, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Late Night with Conan O'Brien.

Books:

I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert, Coma Therapy by Eric Victorino, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Gangsters and GoodFellas, The Alphabet of Manliness, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, A Clockwork Orange, The Wanting Seed, Timeline, Andromeda Strain, Jurassic Park, The Lost World, 1984, War of the Worlds, The Hobbit, Farenheit 451, Lord of the Flies, Slaughter-House Five, The Metamorphosis.

Heroes:

Me, Bruce Willis, Mr. T, Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, Vin Diesel, Christopher Walken, Denzel Washington, and Eric Clapton.
But most of all Andrew and Eric would have been my heroes if they didn't use the possesive hero's and the now played out pwned. And maybe if they actually did something other than put that they were my heroes and change my headline. Now I just think they're fags.

My Blog

PETA Hates Ice Cream; They Prefer Boob-Cream

Associated Press Article: PETA asks Ben & Jerry's to use breast milkThere's the news article.Do you click links in blogs? I don't click links in blogs. Hell, I don't read blogs. Here's a copy+past...
Posted by Allen on Fri, 26 Sep 2008 04:54:00 PST

Hey, I like your convictions about your political party, too bad Palins an idiot...

the following is a quick response from Associated Press Writer Jim Drinkard.ST. PAUL, Minn.  Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her Republican supporters held back little Wednesday as they issued dismissiv...
Posted by Allen on Wed, 10 Sep 2008 10:48:00 PST

Individuality is becoming trendy...

And I'm such a non-conformist that I now feel the need to conform more.
Posted by Allen on Wed, 10 Sep 2008 10:31:00 PST

Sarah Palin - The Epitome of Experience

Aren't you glad that hot on the heels of Biden-bashing from the GOP, McCain turns around and selects a VP that is choc' full o' experience? Way to govern Alaska, lady. Way to make the tough decisions ...
Posted by Allen on Fri, 05 Sep 2008 12:40:00 PST

In case I die...

Bury me with all of my stuff. Because it's mine. And you know it's mine. See to it that this is done. Someone can have my bed, but only if I die in it and they have to sleep in it knowing I died there...
Posted by Allen on Sat, 16 Aug 2008 03:42:00 PST

The Dark Knight is Totally Fucking Ace!

I finally have time to sit down and write about this movie. I haven't had the time because I've been too busy watching it. I saw it three times within its first 24 hours of being released.Really it's ...
Posted by Allen on Sat, 19 Jul 2008 08:03:00 PST

The Dark Knight! Fucking Ace!

It's almost fucking here! It's almost fucking here! I'm going to sleep this day away! I'm going to sleep this day away! So that it's one less day I have to deal with before I see The Dark Knight!I'm m...
Posted by Allen on Wed, 16 Jul 2008 10:24:00 PST

I Despise Commercials That Use Classic Rock Songs...

Honestly, I despise commercials all together, but this shitty, stupid trend pisses me off. Seger songs on Chevy commercials? Didn't like it, but it didn't outright piss me off.But it went from not ver...
Posted by Allen on Mon, 12 May 2008 10:39:00 PST

People that Vacation to Texas are Assholes

I mean, seriously. Think about it. What's in Texas? Nothing. Mediocre "large" cities like Dallas, a bunch of desert, and El Paso. Fuck El Paso. Here's why.El Paso tries to pretend it's a Mexican city....
Posted by Allen on Tue, 06 May 2008 06:22:00 PST

How to Spot a Yuppie: An Advanced Study - Part I

I assume that most people that read my articles are dense because it asserts my authority, so I will be assuming that you have no idea what a yuppie is. So we'll start with a brief description.The ter...
Posted by Allen on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 06:07:00 PST