My name is Dan. I have a very intriguing life story that I would like to tell you all. I was born in the outskirts of Sydney, Australia, to a poor farmer and his mistress. It was a passionate love affair, so I'm told. The name they gave me at birth was Jordan Kangarooson. When I was 3, my parents flew me to Toronto. Somehow I got separated from them, and was picked up by a wealthy family from California. Instead of returning me to my native Australia, they took me home with them. My new adopted family decided to not change my name, so I was stuck as Jordan Kangarooson. Every day they made me sing all sorts of hymns praising Jesus. I had to memorize the lyrics to the hymns. A wrong lyric meant a small amount of rat poison and bleach was put in my iced tea. Several years passed in this lifestyle, and miraculously I was unharmed by the poisons in my body. When I was 17, I ran away from them and joined the circus. I was the bearded woman. They paid for the breast implants, and I got to go without shaving for a while. The circus found its way to Pennsylvania, and I left. I settled down with a warm and loving new family, and changed my name to Dan Freakin' Baker. Yes, Freakin' is my middle name. I still write my family in California, and scare them with tales of my debauchery. I draw a pentagram on every letter, too. They love it so much that they sent me a personalized restraining order. Maybe one day I will go back and visit.
If you would like to know more about my amazing life story, send me an instant message or something. AIM = sib1husky
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