HIGH COMMANDER MULLET AND THE CAMAROS FROM MARS

Some things about High Commander Mullet you might not know:Mullet was born in 1704 in the Outback and raised by a tribe of little blue people who were about three apples high. When he was about ten years old he noticed that he was different somehow from his fellow tribe members and headed out into the world to pursue his dream of becoming a famous NASCAR racer.When that fell through he started doing massive amounts of cocaine and slipped into deep depression. At the age of 12 Mullet checked himself into rehab and started a new life for himself. He joined a school of bluefish in the Chesapeake Bay and lived underwater for about 212 years. Afterwards he joined a jazz band out of Toledo called "The Swinging Cat-Burgers" as the drummer. The band was a complete failure and Mullet would once again ride the snake known as Cocaine. The other "Swinging Cat-Burgers" tried desperately to help him, but he only spat in their faces and kicked them fiercely in the shins.That was when Mullet's life reached an all-time low. In 1931, Mullet was arrested for digging a hole to Hell, which released numerous evil demons into public. He spent six long days in jail, wishing himself dead and crying himself to sleep every night. When he was released, he disappeared for many long years.In 1976, Mullet was seen living in a cardboard box in Fredericksburg, Virginia. The person who spotted him was famous television star Tony Danza. Tony had read about Mullet in his history books and wanted to help Mullet get back on his feet. Tony took Mullet under his wing and nursed him back to normalcy. Since Tony Danza was very busy with his aspiring acting career, he gave Mullet to a family of psychotics who had just been released from the local institute. They raised him like one of their own, and every so often Tony would stop in to check on him.When Mullet was 5, he found an old set of crayons and decided to give 'em a whirl. He had heard legends about an ancient race of people who had the amazing ability to draw, but didn't believe them. He scooted himself underneath his parents' very expensive coffee-table and started moving the crayon in a vague "drawing" fashion. That was when the magic happened. Suddenly, the underside of that coffee-table was covered in the most wonderfully hideous mass of color and shape, and thus, art was reborn.Since then Mullet has been practicing and perfecting his skills, whilst others have also re-discovered the ancient art and tried to copy him. But everyone knows that one day, Mullet will be the greatest artist to ever walk the Earth.... But if he isn't, he plans to on ordering a great big heap of cocaine.Mullet also drinks a ridiculous amount of Coca-Cola and recommends that you do the same.I can bench 235What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit"