amber marie

Ok, so here it goes; i have a dog, named Nicholas Antonio Carmello. i watch family guy religiously, i believe in choice, i would like to save the whales, but i don't think i have enough time too, really save them. i love leather, i hate cloves & mushrooms, i live to sing. i can't write good music, vodka, i hate/love high-high heels, orange is not my color. oh, yeah, according to one of my former-roommates who will remain nameless *coughmattcough" i am goofy, which i intensely deny...ok maybe just a little, i think i just refer to it as "chandler syndrome" because i can be really funny and witty, but its never truly the right moment, and i'm a clean freak too...i think we have so much time in life we just so often waste it on stupid shit. i'm beautiful. Can you believe that i used to say i hate trying to describe me, but now i realize that this description of me is overwhelmingly accurate? i think i may want a tattoo, but i'm not sure what i want yet, i think something in devangari, which is like sanskirt, which, i know, i know, is a dead language, but its Hindu and for nearly half of my life i went to a Hindu private prep school, which may be the reason that I see the best and worst part of people, even when they think hating with people with illnesses is normal. i love chicken, not as pets, writing is like breath, if i couldn't do it, life would be pointless. i really, really, really, like turkey bacon from the microwave for some reason, that fake smoky taste just does it for me. i just like being by myself. Please don't jump off a jet ski going 60 mph, it's not a good idea at all, i'm serious...really don't...ok...i had a bad experience, ribs were broken, etc...i am so tired of love, why should i share a truly personal and irresistible experience with just any one, don't get me wrong, over the past, ohhh, five or so years of being in relationships has made me realize that love is love, there is no way to explain it, its exciting, irritating, comfortable, honest, shocking, mesmerizing, inhibited, passionate, heated, cold, painful, anguish, pleasure, throbbing, convulsing, sickening, embarrassing, heartbreakingly wonderful. In fact when I’m breaking a heart or having my broken, I never feel more alive, higher, and have more sparks. So, i don't feel like wasting my love on someone i don't or can't feel for, maybe not love but something unique and not completely earth shattering all the time, i need someone who will just be there, hang with me when i'm sick or healthy, sad or happy, grumpy, nervous, in my sweats too often, wear my geeky librarian glasses (some think they're hot!), my hair back in a bun and I haven't washed my hair in three days, love. when we talk it makes my arms and legs tense when we joke around, makes my hands sweat, is taller then me, makes me lose my breath, would fly all night just to kiss, makes my skin crawl and goose bump with anticipation. someone who can keep up with witty repartee, makes me giggle, makes my stomach turn, makes me radiate with a kind of heat through my skin that creates this amazing tangible glow, someone who i can wake up next to and kiss with morning breath. someone who doesn't mind that when i'm drunk or in a really deep sleep i kinda snore as i'm falling asleep. someone who isn't completely obsessed with their self image and will go anywhere with me. knows just what to say to make my day the best. someone to run errands with, goes with me to get my dry cleaning...someone who is clingy but independent, quiet but outgoing, smart but goofy, shy but adventurous... my experience with the male species has been overwhelming unsuccessful up to this point. cuddling, now that's something i can get behind, sex is just so unimportant to me at this point, that doesn't mean it isn't, i just want it to be with the right person at the right time. Ohh, I like guys with that cute shaggy like brown hair, shortish but longish, greenish eyes, who smile, truly, not smugly, i just want a spark, its like getting hit by a bus, your heart jumps, and you loose your words. i place importance on remembering who i am, i'm not perfect, so stop trying to bug me to be, i burp in front of guys, pull my hair back too much, i don't have a perfect body, but i like it and i really could care less if you did or not...tell me i'm amazing, or witty, or that i have a nice smile....a little bit goes a long way...i'm not whiney...i swear to god, there are people who are worse, i am demanding i have a general idea about what i expect out of a significant other...i hear the words and then i watch the actions...maybe you're the best! I really hope you are, and maybe one day we will wake up together and realize that we are soo lucky, because we are hopelessly a mess without each other, but not all of the time, i do need space, lol, keep scratching your head and thinking, "god....what does this girl want?..." just you. with all of your bad habits, like drinking out of the milk carton, being severely disorganized, wearing obviously unclean clothing, driving around in your truck...the only thing i want is for our love to be like an addiction, that every moment were apart there is some part of you that is just aching to be with that part of me. i need someone who likes to travel, i need a guy who likes getting dirty, volunteering, teaching English, building things, backpacking, traveling on trains, eating really weird food...i desperately want to live in India on the beach in a semi-house/hut, with no electricity or running water and grow my food, ha, i know you're scared now...just ask