FFFIIIIISSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

So... My name is Chris im 24, had a lot of shit go down since i can remember... grew up in an alright home, parents are still married, have a brother 6 years younger than me. been into trouble since i was at least in the 6th grade, started drinkin back then and then progressed to drugs like heroin and cocaine in junior high... got involved in gangs back then to gain acceptance and began to fight all the time to make a point and also because i was the "tough guy" out of the group that always took care of stuff like that... overdosed more times than i can remember and been in and out of jail too more times than i can count... been married once and that was for like a month... been to rehabs, been cheated on, been lied to, been shot at, had hits put out on me, been rejected, been abused, been all alone, had it all, lost it all, lover, fighter, son, brother, cousin, grandson, nephew, lover, best friend, boyfriend, husband, worst enemy, been called a mistake too many times by too many, in love and loved, ive done it all, seen it all, heard it all but i can say that no matter what now im fighting for the one that i love... at this point in my life ive seen a lot happen and experienced a lot too that i would never wish upon anyone to have to go through... i know that some of the things ive been through some would have died or killed themselves for being in the shit ive been in and gone through... there is no amount of pain that ive gone through that can compare to anyone elses and right now i can say that at this point in my life... in some ways i am where i want to be... in others i wish i didnt have to feel what i feel right now... i wish things were different. i wish that i didnt go to jail, didnt get married the first time, didnt lose it all becuase i finally found that one woman and her name is Kristy... and i can truly honestly say that i do love her with all my heart and it kills me to know that due to all the crap that ive done in the past that its hard to keep what ive got now... yea like my old nature i want more but for right now i cant have that... what i do have though i am not willing to part with... i love what Kristy has done in and to me not to mention for me since ive met her... with some of the things ive been through shes been included and to this day she has stood by my side... now everything that i love rests in my hands... for me to do alone and make better. i know that my back is against the wall and now i have to do this the right way... i found that there is no really other way to do it except the right way... the way that at one time i thought was right... was totally wrong... now i have to do what i know is right and take no breaks, no slowin down, no backing down, no turning, no swaying, i have this one chance to make it all right again... the way it was supposed to be and now i have to do this for not just me, but for her and i, for our daughter (in the future... we are not pregnant!!!!) for our family and know that no matter what as long as i do my best thats all that matters. i want this more than anything and i know that now its just her and i... and after a lot of battles and hardships its finally getting back to the place that her and i wanted it to be and a place that it once was before i started going back to jail... i love her with all my heart and i know that its getting better each and every day... i love her with all ive got and soon her and i will be where we want and long to be with eachother... i finally got a place that i can call home and a place where i can be alone with her and just be us again... i love her and i love life right now and i know that each day its getting better... of course my family means the world to me but right now i cant focus on that... i have a lot on my plate and right now gettin down and dirty in the trenches is what ive got to do to make this work... its make or break, now or never, do or die... for me... with this... and with her heart... failure is not an option... there is no plan B. i am going to do this and make this work. i know bullshit when i hear it and im not about playin games... if i do play a game... i play to win. and i play for keeps.