Cliff Dorfman

The one thing I know for absolute certain is that I don't know anything!~ I'll go out of my way to hold a door for someone I don't know and then get upset when they don't acknowledge how nice and considerate I am. I'm a passive revolutionary without a cause. I can argue about anything. I'm a writer so if you talk to me, send me a letter or tell me a good story I'm gonna use it if it's relevant! I enjoy the word ancillary. I can't spell. I can type. I like the term, 'Divorcee.' I've never met a tough guy who wants to talk about what the problem is. I'm a narcoleptic insomniac. I like calling coffe, 'Joe' and a ten dollar bill a 'Sawbuck.' I think men should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. I think all Indian Casinos are fixed yet I still go. Morongo anyone? I like long walks on the beach, sunsets and impromptu picnics. Sometimes I feel like a nut. Sometimes I don't. I like a bird in the hand and can't imagine anyone who doesn't like two in the bush! I know my limitations yet I get speeding tickets constantly. I hate using the word juxtaposition but love the word dichotomy. I'm not a big fan of creatives who have no talent yet still make a living in this business. I think technology has far surpassed our needs yet I own every gadget I can get my hands on (My robot is typing this for me). I have no idea how World War 3 will be fought but I can tell you that World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones. I can also tell you that I just quoted Albert Einstein. I love being tan but hate the sun and the smell of tanning beds. I'm an analytical thinker who lacks impulse control. I'm a hopeless romantic that just wants to be left alone with my Tivo. I'm a consumer of television. I saw Chinatown and the Omen in the theaters. I saw Led Zeppelin live in 77 at the Garden. I was 9. I'm a living avatar of myself yet fall short of being a Hirschfeld. I firmly believe that if Chief Bratton started to use Accutene and cleared up his skin that he might actually smile once in a while. I think it's crazy that once you get outside Los Angeles that every other car ISN'T a BMW or a Mercedes. I hate to fly. I've driven through our great country more than 14 times and each time I notice more and more prisons, more and more drive through Starbucks, more and more Cracker Barrels and more and more people who still actually believe that GW Bush is the best president this country has ever had. I'm pretty sure that soon I'll be noticing more and more mental institutions. I'd like to see Paris Hilton in a steel cage match with Lindsey Lohan. I believe that the middle class has been nearly erradicated in our country which is the reason that the aforementioned are famous. It gives people a reason to believe that they too can still obtain the american dream. I'm a big fan of Fribbles. I'm still confused why Billy Joel is more popular on the east coast yet Elton John is more popular on the west coast. And last but not least I absolutely hate the fact that the business motto for the 21st century seems to be, 'The Customer Is Always Wrong!' Stick that in your crackpipe and take it to the corner.