One person that wants to be with only me, and doesnt play games and mess around with other people. Someone thats not afraid to tell me their true feelings, and is always there for me when i need them. I just want someone who can live without me, but doesnt want to!
-My Suicide Dreams-
January 14, 2008
I wake up in the middle of the night
Body covered in sweat.
A room without a light.
My heart is racing.
Theres blood continuously dripping.
Once again im torn in two.
My nightmares are over.
All I have are these dreams.
Nothing more than my sweet suicide dreams.
Some nights ill dream of just sitting in the park.
With no one around me.
Ill be all alone in the dark.
And just when everything seems so right.
When I think I finally have a chance at life.
All the pain comes rushing back.
A razor blade to the wrist.
Helps me forget all that I have missed.
A bullet through the throat.
Ill hold it in and try not to choke.
Tied up in the trunk of your car.
Don’t ask how I got there.
I aint gonna go to far.
I pop a few pills.
Maybe ill get to sleep.
Hanging from a noose.
I tripped and fell straight off the roof.
I have all these suicide dreams
Not only one.
Sometimes two or three.
The dreams don’t go away.
There with me all night and every day.
Sometimes I drown in my own blood.
Other times I hope and pray for a flood.
Wishing the water will erase my past.
Wash all my sins away with a blast.
I dream of my soul hovering over my body.
Swimming in a sea of needles.
Each one of them plugging a pore.
I envision one of those gang shootings.
Only this time with a little twist.
Instead of everyones guns pointing at eachother.
There all pointing straight at me.
Everybody pull the trigger on the count of three.
I have these special little things.
I call them my suicide dreams.
-I Wish I Didn’t Love You-
January 9, 2007
I wish I didn’t love you.
I wish I didn’t care.
I wish I didn’t have to sit here.
While your sitting over there.
You say that I replaced you.
And that I don’t care about you anymore.
But unfortunately I do.
And that my dear is the problem.
Cause you don’t love me.
And for some reason I love you.
I really wish I didn’t though.
Cause maybe I might be able to sleep at night.
I wouldn’t have to sit there.
And think about how you don’t care how I feel about you.
Cause what I feel is real
And I know that it is true.
But when I think about you and her.
It all starts crashing down on me.
I wish I didn’t love you.
I really really do.
You have never loved me.
But ive always loved you.
Yes I may have a new boyfriend.
And I do love him to.
But ive never loved anyone.
As much as I loved you.
I wanna let it all go.
I wanna just give up.
But I cant and I don’t really know why.
It makes me mad and want to cry.
Cause its all bottled up inside.
I want to tell you how I feel.
And honestly ive tried.
But you really don’t care about me.
All you do is make me cry.
I wish I didn’t love you.
I wish I wish I wish.
But in reality I cant stop.
And it kills me cause I know.
You don’t want me anymore.
You want to be with her.
You deserver her though.
And I never really deserved you.
She is better than me and I accept it.
But I really wish I didn’t love you.
As much as I do.
-Say Goodnight-
November 10, 2007
Why cant I forget.
All the things that I regret.
All the childish mistakes.
And decisions that I have made.
Im lost and confused.
Ive got nothing to lose.
I cant even live.
We all die someday.
I guess my day is today.
I don’t need to be here.
End the pain right now.
Cut off my head.
Push me under the water to drown.
Ill take these pills
And they will be the last.
To end all my worries.
And help me forget the past.
So please say goodnight.
And tuck me in bed.
Whisper I love you.
Cause soon ill be dead.
-Lets Pretend-
November 5, 2007
Lets pretend everythings going to be alright.
Lets pretend for just one night.
Lets pretend that we don’t care.
Lets pretend that no ones there.
Lets pretend that he wont hurt you.
Lets pretend that he still loves you.
Lets pretend time fixes it all.
Lets pretend we never fall.
Lets pretend we love eachother.
Lets pretend we want one another.
Lets pretend that I still care.
Lets pretend that I want you here.
-Ive Gone Insane, I Cant Calm Down-
October 19, 2007
As I sit up at night.
I realize how alone I really am.
Everywhere I look I see pictures.
All over my walls.
They make me mad.
And fill me with anger.
All these faces staring at me.
While I just sit there staring right back at them.
They talk to me.
And taunt me.
Telling me I need to do better.
Im a failure at living.
Why wont someone just take it away.
Let me breathe my last breathe.
Spill all my blood.
Until theres nothing left.
Hang my body from the ceiling.
Run the blade down my back.
Make some more art with it.
All skulls full of blood.
Lets flood the place.
Or burn it all down.
So these people will stop looking at me.
All there smiles turn to frowns.
No more voices to try to block out.
Throw some gasoline on it.
Make the flames grow freely.
Give it an hour or two.
All that’s left is me and you.
No tears.
No frowns.
No ups and downs.
Ive gone insane.
I cant calm down.
Throwing stuff.
Yelling at the ground.
I catch myself.
Before I fall down.
Im sorry to those.
Ive hurt so dear.
I didn’t mean to do it.
It triggers my fears.
Ive gone insane.
I cant calm down.
Please help me, save me.
The worst is now.
-To Lat For You-
June 25, 2007
You know its just a little to late for you.
Im starting to move on now.
Away from you and this life.
Go find someone else to mess around with.
Cause im letting you go.
So leave me alone.
I need to get you out of my mind.
Cause you have me going crazy.
I love that feeling that i get everytime i hear your name.
But i have to say goodbye.
Its the past and well forgotten.
Cause i know it isnt real.
All you do is lie to me now.
I really dont need any of that.
Im going to just spread my wings.
And fly away from it all.
Far far away from you and this thing thats called life.
-Not Ever Again-
September 22, 2007
It’s a brand new day.
And now were at it again.
Saying shit we don’t mean.
I wonder when it will end.
All night long.
You just cant shut up.
If your mad at me then stop talking.
Its only making everything worse.
We need to be a little more quiet.
Don’t want to wake the neighbors.
In the end it always works out.
Well most of the time at least.
This time im not so sure.
It seems like its worse than before.
Your time is up.
Im finally done.
I cant handle this.
It wasn’t meant to be.
Goodbye for now.
Goodbye for good.
We cant talk no more.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not ever again.
-I Used To Dream-
September 15, 2007
I used to dream.
Of what used to be.
But now the fog has gone away.
I can finally see.
If it was meant to be.
We wouldn’t shout like this.
We would be more peaceful to be around.
Instead of living life with a bomb.
One that’s set to go off.
When no ones paying attention.
Everyone will be caught off guard.
They wont even know what hit them.
I used to think.
That we would always be friends.
No matter what everyone told me.
It was all I could think.
But now I see.
That it could never be.
Me and you aren’t one.
Were two and three.
Like the clock on the bomb.
Tonight has started the countdown.
The ticking has begun.
Soon it will all be over.
Nothing left but the sun.
I used to think we were going to make it.
Because of everything weve been through.
But now I see its all a lie.
Nothing is what it ever seems.
After tonight we will see the truth.
You will go on with your life.
Pretending none of this happened.
Ill just lay here on the earth.
Staring up at the clouds.
Dreaming of what could have been.
Wanting it more than ever.
It hurts to know I lost you.
I wish we never said forever.
-Set You Free-
August 25, 2007
Staying up late at night.
All alone in this world.
Sitting in a small dark room.
Wishing to be your girl.
This is what you do to me.
Cant you see its all your fault.
Everynight that im alive.
I sit alone.
I wait and cry.
When i think of you.
A tear drop fills my eye.
Why do you do this to me.
You always cheat and lie.
Im sorry im not perfect.
But neither are you.
So i must say this now.
Just shut up and hear me through.
If you dont want me.
Then i will set you free.
Then you can see.
What life would be without me.
You just gotta let me know.
Cause i cant play these games no more.
Just tell me the three little words.
And i will let you go.
Stop leading me on.
With all your stupid lies.
Everytime i hear your words.
You always make me cry.
So if you really dont want me.
Stop saying the things you do.
Ill set you free from me.
And set me free from you.
-Never Again-
Everytime you get a new girl.
Your always a dick to me.
You say you don’t mean to act like this.
But honestly I think you do.
Cause you do this everytime.
You talk shit to me.
Then you apologize.
And say you didn’t mean it.
Im done playing your games.
Its time for us to grow up.
And now you want to be friends.
Bit it isn’t gonna happen again.
Not no more.
Never again.
Im not falling for this shit you say to me.
Im not weak like I used to be.
Cause ill go out on my own.
And find someone who wont pull all the shit you do.
-Tired Of The Pain-
January 9, 2007
-You dont know her
-A love turned to lust
-Her life
-Rest in peace Vinnie
-Dont wanna get hurt again
-Sorry mom
-But i love him
-People make mistakes
-Gone
-Sorry
-Life
-Good things dont last long
-See through my eyes
-I cant
-Dreaming of you
-Safety pinned heart
-My smile turns to a frown
-Just wait and see
-What happened
-Heaven
-Summer of 2006
-Why
-Fake love
-Im done with you