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I'm closer to the Golden Dawn
Immersed in Crowley's uniform
Of imagery
I'm living in a silent film
Portraying
Himmler's sacred realm
Of dream reality
I'm frightened by the total goal
Drawing to the ragged hole
And I ain't got the power anymore
No I ain't got the power anymore
I'm the twisted name
on Garbo's eyes
Living proof of
Churchill's lies
I'm destiny
I'm torn between the light and dark
Where others see their targets
Divine symmetry
Should I kiss the viper's fang
Or herald loud
the death of Man
I'm sinking in the quicksand
of my thought
And I ain't got the power anymore
Don't believe in yourself
Don't deceive with belief
Knowledge comes
with death's release
I'm not a prophet
or a stone age man
Just a mortal
with the potential of a superman
I'm living on
I'm tethered to the logic
of Homo Sapien
Can't take my eyes
from the great salvation
Of bullshit faith
If I don't explain what you ought to know
You can tell me all about it
On, the next Bardo
I'm sinking in the quicksand
of my thought
And I ain't got the power anymore
Don't believe in yourself
Don't deceive with belief
Knowledge comes
with death's release
Don't believe in yourself
Don't deceive with belief
Knowledge comes
with death's release
I'm tired of all the people out there starting off their introductions with witty crud like "I'm so different," especially- yes, ESPECIALLY- when they give reasons. Like gay guys starting off with "I'm not into the whole gay scene, or drama, or any of that;" partly because A. drama is always a part of anything, and it's bloody impossible to take on any new relationship, be it friendship, romantic, or Hell, forget relationships, it's impossible to exist without drama seeping into your life. So really; if you put "LOLZ NOT LUKING 4 DRAMAZ" then you are an idiot for expecting not to find it, for expecting people to 'heed your warning,' and because I say so. I'm harsh like that, I should be a radio therapist, eh?
B. You aren't different. Everyone writes out things like that. At this point, the only way to have any mild claim to validity is to say "I want to be exactly like everyone else!" Which will, in turn, make you 'different' because absolutely everyone else is 'different' at this point, but you are the only person not to say you want to be different. Besides, most of these people are liars, anyway; doesn't amount to much if you say "I want to be different," or "I am different," and yet even your very personality amounts to nothing more than a sort of Our Generation For Dummies.
Thus ends my Rant About Idiotic Profiles. And, oh yes- there's a hint of irony within these words, because in creating this very rant, I have- or would have- fallen victim to the same traps the people I so dislike have; I assumed people on the internet care, I assumed people on the internet will read this, I professed my own ideology to be better than everyone else's, and I'm still bloody talking.
My only saving grace would be the self-mockery above, however, that too has become a trend. The internet, and specifically all of these profile-based sites actually, has (or have, depending on which part of that sentence you'd rather continue reading from) raped and invalidated all intelligent thought by making intelligent thought so abundantly monotonous and widespread, which is (I'm assuming) to be attributed to the fact that a lot of people merely copy each other; the fact that at some point in life everyone goes through a dark period and mistakes it for an epiphany, believing it to make them better than people with actual, reasonable thoughts and intelligence in general; and, the fact that the internet shields people from getting the crap beat out of them for being stupid, repetetive, or pseudophilosophical.
And so, really, there are only two ways to validate yourself on the internet, intellectually speaking. You can either say "I may be wrong" and sincerely mean it, not just be using it sarcastically, which is still kind of a gray area, or... You can drag on and on with intense self-analysis after a short period of criticism, and eventually people will either get so tired of reading that they give up and go away, or people believe you to be some sagely being because you're willing to self-demoralize to make a point, or- well, who knows.
At this point, I'm really pretty much hoping you've given up and I've won my intellectual standing by boring you to death- and really, isn't THAT the true test of intellect? If you can effectively bore someone into not paying attention with something meant to be introspective, philosophical, or intelligent in general, then you have proven yourself to be above the rest. You're bloody college professor material. And so, with that achievement, I pat myself on the back. However- if I have failed in that goal, then, I'm just going to have to cling to the everyman's last resort. "I was right and you were wrong, I'm gonna sing the I-Was-Right Song." Of course, this only really qualifies if the 'everyman' is Mr. Bumpy. I miss that show.
***And now for something completely profilic (No. Not prolific, I make no promises. Just profilic.)
In case you thought that little rant made me sound entirely horrible, I have to point out here (assuming that you're still with me) that I am not. Er, which would be a bit more meaningful with some evidence, I suppose. Really, the above rant was targeting the fact that such immediate, widespread, potentially anonymous information collectively reduces the intelligence of a society. If every profound thought is put out there and shared, then it becomes common knowledge, and so... Is it really terribly profound anymore? I find that disturbing because I used to become very emotionally moved whenever I would find a deep quote buried in some book, or other media. Now, it seems like there's nothing left to be said that hasn't already. All that's left is wider distribution of what already has been said. I don't like that, and so, I ranted a bit. Moving on...
I consider myself pretty horrible at these profiles. What's there to tell that might interest someone else? I never really know. Well... I'll idly recite boring facts, then. I'm 21 now (And actually used to it, now that I'm edging toward 22, heh), male, gay, a hopeless caffeine addict, a gamer, I'll listen to nearly any sort of music but I prefer David Bowie (the man is amazing, he's got hit songs twice my age and is still producing relevant and exciting music), I'm an anime fan (And I was one sliiightly before it was the 'in' thing to do, so I don't feel bad about it), once described as a gothic cowboy nerd (My high school years were fun.), of above-average intelligence, reading often depresses me lately but I still pick up a good book now and then, I'm as nostalgic as an 80 year old (Still remember my first time playing Megaman, still hold respect for Inspector Gadget, prefer Connery's Bond to Brosnan's and rather wish Daniel Craig had never been born.. That sort of thing), I like tea (Only hot tea! Cold tea is... Just... Not for me.), I dislike coffee unless mixed with Coke or Monster, I only bought an XBox to play TES3:Morrowind and I only bought an X-Box 360 to play Left 4 Dead (Though this time there are other games on my list), I collect mobile suits (Damned if I can find an MSM-03C Hy-Gogg, though), and if you care to know anything in particular (or everything, or whatever) then, well...
judecca_gunner on Yahoo (Invisible on occasion, away frequently due to work, but otherwise- I'm there.) Judecca Gunner on AIM (Never on unless requested, though) [email protected] on MSN (Because I apparently lost my judeccagunner password; and I'm no longer on this very frequently) [email protected] is my most often-checked email.
... If you can't get ahold of me with all that information, you're just not trying. Or, I'm dead.
Addendum time!
I'm a bit (or, more accurately, severely) nerdy, I consider myself non-religious, non-spiritual, all that junk; but intellectually curious as to every little facet of religion anyway, 'cause I'm cool like that. I do (I have to admit) very nearly get off on debates (though I have no idea why, but hey, I'm plenty happy to go down in history as the progenitor of the Debate Fetish).
Hm... I refuse to over-analyze anything relating to myself, but habitually over-analyze almost everything else. I am intelligent, certainly enough so to plan my way through any obstacles in life that show up, but wise enough to know that that'd make things boring- so here and there I end up doing the most random-ass thing I can to get through it all just to make things interesting.
I have a vastly over-inflated sense of self-importance, and I am 100% confident I would be dead without it.
I am also of the opinion that drama can help as much as it hurts. Yes, this sort of links back to the profile-rant. Whenever I see "NO drama!!!11one" on someone's profile, it makes me frown a bit and think (to elaborate on earlier points), "Where the Hell would anyone be without drama? There'd be no self-improvement, there'd be no books, there'd be no TV or movies, we'd lack a vast majority of the music we've got, people wouldn't have been flung through Hell in one relationship only to find that that then led them to their ideal one next..." All that good stuff. However, on the other hand, there are some situations in which one has had plenty of drama and it really does have to end or they'll be stuck in misery. So... Well. I like some drama, but not too much.
For anyone that may question my religious standpoint... It occurred to me, long ago, that the only person I can always trust, the only person I can read like a book, the only person whose motives I never need to question- is myself. And so, I couldn't guarantee that I could trust any religion, really. And in fact, almost all of them do seem extremely suspect when viewed from an objective standpoint, at the very least. So, I made my own religion. I am, in fact, finished with the first two chapters of m'holy book. I am a Clodist; and according to our scripture, in the beginning, Clod created pizza and anime, then a place to put them. That place was the universe, and more specifically earth, and he then created people to enjoy these amazing wonders. He did, indeed, create Adam and Steve in the beginning, and eventually more people, and so the world was populated. He convinced Pharaoh Phawcett of Egypt to let his people have shiney hair-care products, and it was so. He is truly a Clod worth worshiping; and that's the best part... He doesn't want any worshiping. He just wants people to shut up and live their lives to be happy, since that's the whole bloody reason he created all this nifty stuff. And I don't even ask for collections, if you decide to believe.
I have the arguably annoying habit of ending statements I want people to agree with, or at least accept, with "yes?"
I only lie when it's extremely convenient. I never steal from anyone anything tangible. I only cheat at things that don't matter, like games. I think alcohol is a ridiculous waste of money, brain cells, and dangerous at that; but I'm probably killing myself with the various caffeinated drinks I imbibe, and I've been known to have a drink or two anyway. I don't smoke anything, except sausages (Over a fire, you perv), and I generally disapprove of others smoking; but aside from an occasional "That's not terribly good for you," or "Aw, I wish you wouldn't..." I'm not a bitch about it, and don't care all thaaat much. I take every bit of advice given to me unless I don't like it or can't bring myself to. I'm only self-serving when it's in my best interest. I help out others in need, unless it would break me, I hate them, or I'm unnerved by the need. (I recently refused a hug to a man that asked me, in sequence, if I had any spare drugs, money, and then if I would hug him. I actually feel guilty about denying the last one, though.) I have problems restraining myself, unless I'm told that's okay, at which point suddenly I seem to become oddly awkward and reserved (But hey, even that, I can overcome). I would to anything to retain youth except wake early, be respectable, or take exercise. Um... Oh. And, I'm out of things to say about myself for now, but I'm alright with that.
I love quoting things I find interesting or profound, even if that does sort of fall prey to my earlier 'profile rant,' because I just can't help myself. Maybe it's hypocritical, but then again, I do like hippopotami.
As a sort of addendum to my Profile Rant, which could be called my Myspace Rant, I offer this: My Art Rant, or, what could be nicknamed my DeviantArt Rant, even. Ahem: I am opposed to uncool, boring people drawing themselves buff, clad in outlandish clothing, and wielding weapons, finished off with a stylish pose. If I were drawn, I'd look like Dilbert made out of toothpicks. With brown hair. And skinnier. And, without the tie. Well... Not so much Dilbert, as maybe a Herbert West. Only... Well, maybe not Herbert West, he's a bit dorky. I'd probably look more like an awesome mad scientist with platinum hair and probably a cool mechanical bird- no, cat- no, dragon! Yeah, one that I made myself, and it'd butter my bagels for me. I'd have to find a way to make that show in the picture, though, so maybe it'd have a bagel and knife emblem on it. And I'd totally be holding a sword, but it'd have to be, like, 6 feet long. You know, like Masamune. And I'd be wearing this black leather suit, but, it'd be missing parts, showing off my awesomely muscular body. With a cape. Got to have a cape, with massive pauldrons. The bigger the shoulder armor, the better, right? And there'd be dozens of scantily-clad men fawning over me. And of course, for the scenery, I'd have to be on top of this huuuge mountain with a spectacular view of the lands below. And, I'd be posing, like, this- *Ha!*
Nooow, let's see- that covers a good bit of random things about me. You should at least be able to safely determine whether or not you'd like to start a conversation with me, even if you can't fathom where it'll end up. The only thing I ask of you, is that you don't expect me to always be this 'interesting.' I do have my dull moments, and as a point of interest, I'm more likely to be dull the more dull you are yourself; I'm reactionary by nature, I can't help it. So if you're a talkative person, I'll probably be pretty talkative, myself. If you can't think of anything to say, then I have nothing to go on, and I'll start rambling on about fall-back topics like the last movie I saw, or some such. So, bewaaare, bewaaaaaare!
Remember I told you I like to quote things? Well, here. Enjoy.
"Have I no control, is my soul not mine? Am I not just man, destiny defined?"
"And I wanna be free. Don't you wanna be free? Do you like girls or boys? It's confusing these days. But moondust will cover you, cover you... And this chaos is killing me."
"I feel fantastic and I'm still alive. I'm doing science and I'm still alive. And when you're dying, I'll be still alive. And when you're dead, I will be still alive."
"But is it in your conscience that you're after another glimpse of the madman across the water?"
"He hears the silence howling, and catches angels as they fall. And the all time winner has got him by the balls."
"You're just dodging all the friendly fire, you're never dressed in the right attire. You miss the start of every game, you're my flame."
Also, just so you know? I can use 'portend' in casual conversation. *Wink* Does that get you hot? ... It does for me.
