About Me
You Are 100% Evil
You're the most evil person in the world.
The devil is even a little scared of you!
10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,
in my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51
Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thingy
when a flaming stealth banana split the sky
like one would hope but never really expect
to see in a place like this.
Cutting right angle donuts on a dime
and stopping right at my Birkenstocks,
and me yelping...
Holy fucking shit!
Then the X-Files being,
Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan
with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of
vanilla Chig Champa
Did a slow-mo Matrix descent
Outta the butt end of the banana vessel
And hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw,
and my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,
and all I could think was:
"I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
that I pissed my fuckin' pants."
So light in his way,
Like an apparition, [that]
He had me crying out,
"Fuck me
It's gotta be
the Deadhead Chemistry
The blotter got [right] on top of me
Got me seein' E-motherfuckin'-T!"
And after calming me down
with some orange slices
and some fetal spooning,
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, "You are the Chosen One,
the One who will deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
and a warning for those who do not."
Me. The Chosen One?
They chose me!!!
And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school.
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better listen.
Then he looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down
This is so real
Like the time Dave floated away
See, my heart is pounding
'Cause this shit never happens to me
I can't breathe right now!
It was so real,
Like I woke up in Wonderland.
All sorta terrifying
I don't wanna be all alone
While I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why
Y'all sound like Peanuts parents?
Will I ever be coming down?
This is so real
Finally, it's my lucky day
See, my heart is racing
'Cause this shit never happens to me
I can't breathe right now!
You believe me, don't you?
Please believe what I've just said!
See the Dead ain't touring
And this wasn't all in my head.
See, they took me by the hand
And invited me right in.
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin.
Strapped down [to] my bed
Feet cold [and] eyes red
I'm out of my head
Am I alive? Am I dead?
Can't remember what they said
God damn, shit the bed.
Hey ...
Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position.
Such a heavy burden now to be the One
Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending,
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen
Shit the bed again ...
Typical.Would you rather me tell you a lie or the truth?
Would you rather me tell you a lie or the truth?"
What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Name:
Age:
Sex:
Sexuality:
Flirting Skill Level - 98%
Kissing Skill Level - 98%
Cuddling Skill Level - 97%
Sex Skill Level - 99%
Why They Love You. You are too sexy for words.
Why They Hate You. You are hung and cause too much pain.
This quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 4410 Times.
New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz
NaughtyPoll.com - take your own poll!
1. How old are you? 24-26
2. What is your sexual orientation? Straight
3. Have you ever given someone oral sex? Sure I have
4. Have you ever received oral sex? Yes, of course
5. How many sexual partners have you had? More than 15
6. What is your pubic hair style? Trimmed neatly
7. What kind of underwear do you wear? Boxers
8. Have you ever taken, or been in, naked photos? Both taken and been in them
9. Have you ever been to a nude beach, or nudist area? Nope, I am modest
10. Do you watch porn? Yes, of course. Who hasn't?
11. Have you ever watched others, or been watched having sex? Yes, been watched, but never watched others
12. How large are you...ya know, in the pants? Over 8 inches
13. Have you ever expirimented with another man? No, I'm straight as can be
14. What is your favorite sexual position? Doggie style
15. Are you circumcised? No I am not
16. What gets you off fastest? Intercourse
17. How often do you masturbate? Whenever I can
18. Have you ever had multiple partners at once? No, never
19. Have you ever paid for sex? Nope, never
20. When did you lose your virginity? 15-16 years Old
NaughtyPoll.com - take your own poll!
ALL ABOUT ME
Name: Johnny
Birthday: 5-80
Birthplace: Los Angeles
Current Location: In bed
Eye Color: ?
Hair Color: light brown
Height: 5"11
Right Handed or Left Handed:right
Your Heritage: Maya/Spanish
The Shoes You Wore Today: White DC`s
Your Weakness: Belle
Your Fears: When your wearing clean boxers and you wanna let it lose but you think it`s gonna come out
Your Perfect Pizza: Garlic and cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: buy new socks
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
Thoughts First Waking Up: I`m still here?
Your Best Physical Feature: my entire body from head to toe ooh baby I think I ????? from head to toe
Your Bedtime: when I start snoring
Your Most Missed Memory: Fucking with Dookie girl ( You smell like a dookie... girl)
Pepsi or Coke: hawaiin punch and sometimes berries & cream Dr. Pepper
MacDonalds or Burger King: Pepe`s tacos
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: starbucks iced chai tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Frappuccino
Do you Smoke: bud? yes
Do you Swear: only to God
Do you Sing: Yeah
Do you Shower Daily: I try to
Have you Been in Love: yes
Do you want to go to College: no
Do you want to get Married: yes
Do you belive in yourself: of course and you also
Do you get Motion Sickness: no
Do you think you are Attractive: What do you think?
Are you a Health Freak: yes
Do you get along with your Parents: uhh
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes
Do you play an Instrument: yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes
In the past month have you Smoked: Chronic only
In the past month have you been on Drugs: everyday
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: no what the fuck would I be doing at a mall
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I wish
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: hell mutha fuken no
In the past month have you been on Stage: estuped question
In the past month have you been Dumped: no not the past month... no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: How gay
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: yes
Ever been Drunk: yes
Ever been called a Tease: yes
Ever been Beaten up: yes
Ever Shoplifted: yes
How do you want to Die: In a cool way
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A ghost
What country would you most like to Visit: kazakstan
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: any
Favourite Hair Color: any
Short or Long Hair: long
Height: slightly shorter than me
Weight: athletic build
Best Clothing Style: Bebe`s ... wait is this reefering to^
Number of Drugs I have taken: Plenty
Number of CDs I own: huh... I have limewirePro
Number of Piercings: 5
Number of Tattoos: 3
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Too many
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