~oOo~Rich's Profile~oOo~I'm 33, I have a wingspan of three metres and hundreds of six inch poisonous spines on my back. My skin is a uniform shade of pale blue and I can see in fourteen dimensions during electric storms or periods of sunspot activity. I have been told to use my powers solely for good, but it seems like such a waste. I collect interesting stones and have nearly four now.
I live in Birmingham. If you can call it living. I'm a freelance multimedia specialist and video editor. I'm good at a lot of things, but excellent at nothing. This is aparently because I use both sides of my brain equally and not, as I suspect, because whoever my creator was didn't want me to excel at anything. They broke the mould when they made me. Actually, that may have happened during the manufacturing process. In guises other than my ill-mannered, day-to-day, autistic persona, I am also a magician, a martial artist, a musician, an artist and a comedy writer. I occasionally (very occasionally these days. In fact the amount of occasionally where if it were any less it would be "don't") do stand-up and used to write comedy for a London-based comedian. I now write solely for myself even though I am to comedy performance what Stephen Hawking is to cagefighting. There are bin liners outside charity shops with better material than me. The world is a better place since I convinced myself I had a better future in writing. And Abu Hamza has a better future in speed typing.
Feel free to add me, I'm a nice enough chap. I wouldn't say boo to a goose. I might tell it to bugger off though. And if you do add me then please leave a comment. I always comment back.
Note: If you post an advert for something that isn't comedy/magic related it may be deleted. Any other adds should have some sort of personal message attached to make sure they stay. And if you post graphics that mess up my layout they'll be deleted without prejudice and I'll have you killed to actual death. Try to keep graphic widths to less than 435 pixels. Cheers.
Some pikchurs wot I done:
My Literal Jokes:-
How do you make a hormone? With your endocrine system. ~oOo~ Knock, knock! Who's there? Bailliffs Oh shit ~oOo~ Doctor, Doctor I've broken my leg Let's get it into a cast straight away then. ~oOo~ Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. When did you first notice this feeling? ~oOo~ How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He's his dad, he bought the presents. ~oOo~ What do you get if you cross a sheep with an aligator. Widespread recognition throughout the scientific community and a special award for advances in the field of genetics. ~oOo~ What's the difference between a giraffe and a crane? A giraffe is the tallest land mammal and a crane is a machine for lifting heavy objects. ~oOo~ When is a door not a door? When it's firewood or Jim Morrison. ~oOo~ How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? One. ~oOo~ Did you know that gullible has been removed from the dictionary? Irritating and dickhead are still there. ~oOo~ Knock, knock Who's there? Lucy. Oh thank God, I thought it was the bailliffs again. ~oOo~ What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? Nothing ~oOo~ What's red and lies in the gutter? A discarded packet of Walkers ready-salted crisps. ~oOo~ What's black and white and red all over. A blood-soaked newspaper ~oOo~ What do you call a woman with a food mixer on her head? A Looter ~oOo~ I took my wife to the Carribean. Jamaica? Yes. ~oOo~ What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit warren? A caution perhaps, but I don't think it's illegal. ~oOo~ What do you get if you cross enemy lines with a rifle? Killed or the Victoria Cross. ~oOo~ Why did the chicken cross the road? It was with the rest of my shopping. ~oOo~ Why was the sand wet? It was being prepared for a concrete mix. ~oOo~ Why was the beach wet? Because it had been raining. ~oOo~ What were the last words from Challenger? We have a major malfunction with the fuel system. ~oOo~ What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Unfortunate ~oOo~ What do you call a gorilla in a suit? Exploited ~oOo~ What's yellow and dangerous? Molten steel. ~oOo~ What do ghosts eat? Children ~oOo~ What do Madonna and toilet paper have in common? I've wiped my arse on both of them. ~oOo~
