They say that you cant turn a bad girl good, but once a good girl has gone bad shes gone forever!!! Truer words have never been said.I been through alot of shit in my life, mostly bad but some good despite this I learned alot of life's lessons the hard way.One of the hardest lessons that I have ever learned is when to walk away, because sometimes you stay in the bullshit too long, thinking that things will get better,when in reality they usually only get worse in the process you end up losing a part of yourself. The pain subsides, but the scars remain, even if they are on the inside, you still know they are there & though you try to hide them alot of people can still see those scars & work u over because of them. I have learned alot about life, though I still fuck up & make bad decisions I never allow anthing to hold me back, make me bitter or hostile or take me off my path temporarilly detained maybe, but thats another story. I discovered with time that loving someone can be a decision you wish you never made: Hate is easy: Love is hard. Hating people takes too much energy from you being angry, storming away, staying away, harboring resentment for someone who harmed you intentionally or by accident is Pointless. They still have control over you if you allow your anger to keep you hostage. Love takes work, patience & strength even in the face of adversity. Best thing you could do is love your enemies, if nothing else:it just pisses them off, believe me when I tell you it is liberating.Love is a very tricky emotion itcan be blinding,deafening, it can take away your sense of sanity, reality & common sense. It can consume you, derail you, take you off your path, it can lead you to heaven or lead you to hell depending on who you choose to fall in love with. I have learned & I have found that no matter how much you love someone else you cannot make them love you back & that no matter how good you TRY to be to that person the Worse they usually are to you. And with some people you just have to let them go, because the longer you hold on to them, the lower they will bring you, their just too toxic. There are alot of wolves out there who come to you dressed in sheeps clothing, but no matter how smart or slick you think you are to the ways of the world, there will always be someone who's game is better than yours. Believe that you are a sheep among the flock, and the slowest & weakest sheep usually get gobbled up first. There are alot of people out there who's only intent in life is hurting you. You need to be looking out for those people, because believe me they are looking out for you and once they find you, they will do anything they have to to infiltrate your mind, body, home & heart. Pain is Love, but Love doesn't have to mean Pain. And when it hurts that bad, then you need to look for something else to keep you warm at night. Noone can hurt you without your consent & when you get to the point where the pain overtakes everything else, then it is time to move on. I have been through a lot of hurt & pain in my life & have endured alot of abuse: for awhile I even caused harm to myself to see if the pain was still real, but I was fortunate enough, wise enough & strong enough to persevere through all that negativity to reach a level that is called maturity. I don't associate with alot of people or invite too many people to close into my inner circle because I have learned throughout the years that the only thing you can truly trust in this world is your pockets because they never lie to you...if their full your good, if their empty your fucked!!! I don't need a bunch of see saw friends the ones that will ride with you when your up but bounce on you when your down I want the ones that will ride with you until the wheels fall off. Consistency. You cannot trust too many people with too much information because they will only pull you close to get in your head, heart or home then turn around and use it against you for retalitory reasons. Alot of times your best girl or boy will be the one to fuck your man or girl which ever applies, jack you for your shit or stab you in the back!! The one you lay with at night might be there only because the bed is soft & the price is cheap but their mind or heart might be elsewhere. The person you call when times are hard & you need some advice might be the same one that as soon as you hang up the phone is running your business right down the line to whoever is willing to listen just becuse you had a disagreement or because its in their nature to do so. So next time you go to open your mouth to your friend stop & ask yourself: Is this going to their ears then out their mouth to the next one? Truth be told You would be surprised what your very own crew says about you behind your back...
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Ive been lead to believe that if they are talking about you it means your doing something right I dont get mad that they talk I get motivated because I must really be something if its me they wish to discuss. I see them watching me sideways, hatin but in all actuality if they spent as much time & energy talking & thinking aBout me & my life as they did bout their own then maybe they could all get up get out & go do something with theirs. They are stale & stagnant & its really sad because hateration is contagious & jealousy is an illness, talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words, gossip is for those that have no lives of their own, get off on other people's business,talk about others just to get their mind off their own dirt or people that want to live life like u but are too scared to. REAL recognize REAL these phony bitches and even some of these sorry ass men amuse me everyday they try so hard to make themselves feel important, portraying themselves as someone they will never be, chasing them dreams ending up with only nightmares. Figure if you give em enough rope then eventually they will just hang themselves, and they'll be revealed for who & what they really are: because you can only live a lie for so long before you trip over your truth. I stay focused on myself primarally now because I can't be bothered with the drama. Honey, I ain't lookin at ya I'm lookin past ya cause all that other shit is for the birds. I don't chase em I replace em now. I recycle these clowns for what they are worth: My 5 cent deposit. Im cashing in @ the recycle bank & u should too! I stay focused on myself & my real friends that have proven over the years thru & thru that they are always there for me making sure that my future is secure & Im doing the best for myself & my family. After all thats what real friendship is for being there as a motivation, inspiration & a reality check when you fall off your path. They are supposed to be the ones helping you dust off & get back on track. I stay low & very close to the earth. I try and keep my eyes straight ahead and my ear to the streets. I might not hear it all but I hear most of it & It is comedy for the most part! I focus on my family Trust is a tricky word for me its hard to gain but its easy to lose for this matter I try to keep my eyes open & my mouth shut!!! Thats the best advice I can give anyone. You shouldn't trust your heart either because it has a funny way of telling you lies...so when your mind is saying pop your brakes...well then,you better pop em...the heart should never lead the head...for this matter I am reluctant to get too close to new people..and just recently had to cut off a lot of long term friendships because you learn in life that sometimes time changes people into people you thought you'd never know. Best friends can become enemies in the blink of an eye. Over a perceived disrespect, a disagreement, an arguement, another persons jealous spirit trying to bring forth dissention, or even something less. So let the ones you love know as much as possible how important they are to you as often as you can cause you never know when they may choose to walk out of your life for good. Even though you said Friends forever. You learn that in life nothing is forever.
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In this life you can never be too sure of anything except the balance in your checking account thats one thing that will never lie to you...They say you should cut the grass so you can see the snakes. But often times you feel the sting after you get the bite. I have had a whirlwind of a life so far, I have been used, abused, played, toyed with, fucked with, hated on, jaded & finally hardened by the ways of the world, yet I still manage to keep my sense of humor & my faith that their is something good in store that despite all the obstacles, setbacks, roadblocks, drama & bullshit I wouldn't change a thing or take back a single moment or tear because I know that all that mess had to happen for a reason to build me to be who I am today. I wish no ill will on anyone because chances are Karma is going to be a bigger bitch than I ever will be what goes around always comes back AROUND...eventually every dog has its day & like the saying goes If you lie down with Peruvian dogs, you come up with Spanish fleas. You can only go thru life just so long hurtin other people intentionaly before you get it all back baby. God dont like ugly he may sit high, but he looks low. Trust & believe in that!! So I'll just let you have your moment: let you think you won, we both know better that the prize wasn't worth entering the contest. But go on: have your moment. I'll guarentee the aftertaste & the sting of that bite will linger long & leave a mark long after the joy of your win subsides. As for me: I have absoultly no regrets, and believe me I KNOW I SHOULD!!!
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I am the mother of a beautiful & smart six year old boy who I love more than words could ever say. And right now my main focus & motivation is being the best mother for my son to the very best of my abilities. I named him Giovanni which is Italian for John it means "God is Gracious" & he has been gracious for blessing me with the gift that he has become!! He transformed my whole world & put everything in perspective for me...It wasn't easy but then again, it never really is. They say that motherhood is the hardest job that you will ever love & it is so true. It has no days off, no overtime benefits, however the monetary gain is nothing when it is compared to the love that is returned. I have nothing but love to show to all the single parents out here doin the damn thing raising these babies into productive adults.My
son is the icing on my cake he sort of completes me. We kind of explore the world togather I find myself seeing things differently & rediscovering them as I view them through his learning eyes.He brings me so much joy, but really he gives me a hope for a future that is so unknown to us all.On the real, my son is a trip!! You could literally sit down & have an intelligent conversation with him & completly forget that you are speaking to a six year old. This child has been here before you heard me? I am brutally loyal to a fault to those that I love thats usually why I usually end up nursing the wounds that I carry with me, because most people out there only have themselves that they are lookin out for.In life,you bear your burdens & I firmly believe that what does not kill you can only make you stronger. Because of it all I am a strong person, both strong willed & strong physically. I am able to persevere through any obstacle that I come into contact with or stumble upon. Any drama I ever had was usually a direct relation to the people I rolled with thats why lately I been sticking to home & the people that have been w me since day 1. Friendships come & they go, people roll in & out of yor life like the ocean's tide...if your lucky you'll meet one or two people that will truly see you through most storms...but that is just luck. Noone will ever be there for you 100% so the best advice I could give you is to be your own best friend.Because if you dont love or trust yourself, you will never find anyone else who will either. If you cant see the forest through the trees, then by all means cut that shit down or take another route! To all the men that have walked all over me: thanks for the strength you left me with, you all made me stronger & wiser when in reality all you were trying to do was break me. Your efforts to break my spirit are to be applauded and commended. I learned something new from every last one of you & though it may seem hard for alot of the people in my life to understand I dont regret any of you despite your abuse, the pain you brought me, the negativity, the heartbreak I suffered as a result of your lies, your games, your neglect or your evil deeds, I still am glad I encountered you nevertheless. You made me better, you made me stronger, wiser & unbreakable. After everything I been through in reality I really shoudn't be here but I am & there is a reason for that. Thats because my destiny has something more in store for me something you could never bring me & one day I might just find it....
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A woman's heart is a deep fortress filled with alot of dark secrets, but no matter how hard you try & hide them, the eyes never lie. For this reason, wear sunglasses!!! If you read all this You have my respect because DAMN!!! that was long as hell...but it was only the beginning of the depths of my soul...holla back...href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LnB5emF
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