Achtung, I am Herr VON KAISER! Now zat I have your attention, I vill start from ze beginning of mein story. I was born into a strict military family, un ze year 1945. Und let me tell you youngsters today, ist vas no piconic growing up un post-war Berlin!
Un dose days, we had to fight for every scrap we had. In fact, I once recall having to uppercut mein last bratwurst out of ze jaws of a vild german sheperd. Some kids are naturally born gut at nintendo games; I was born gut at ze game of fisticuffs!
In my late teens, as is the time honored tradition un mein family I decided to enroll un ze military academy. Having such natural boxing talent, I quickly went on to become ze head boxing instructor of ze academy. After serving ze Fatherland I began mein professional boxing career. Overtime I had beaten ze vest fighters in ze land, und soon began to thrist for new challengers.
So, un 1987 I set out to demostrate mein superior pure blooded German ablities, against ze naturally inferior minor circuit fighters of ze WVBA. For a period of time I vas ze number 1 ranked fighter, undtil one fateful day....
I vas issued a challenge by a pint sized up und coming shite, known only as Little Mac. Under ze normal circumstances I would have sent dis wunderkind into retirement, however things zidn't go quite according to plan
Though he was quite small un stature, his punches proved surprisingly powerful. I swear to you, he must have had a horse shoe hidden in his glove! Zer ist no udder way a puny kid could have knocked me out, without resorting to cheap tatics. Und another thing. Das imbecile calling ze fight Mario, vas not even a real ref, just a common plumber! What sort of professional organization would hire zuch a bum off ze street to ref a fight for a star such as myself?
It was zen zat I decided to return to ze Fatherland, to rethink mein boxing strategy. Zey say I am to old for fighting now. But to zhis very day I still train intensely, perfecting mein vicious jabs und fearsome uppercuts, with ze hopes of one day facing Little Mac again.
Revenge ist a dish best served cold, und I intend to serve Little Mac with an icy plate full of sweet revenge. Undtil zen mein friends...ALVEDAZANE!!!
