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my future ex-wife, DaVinci,God, gary allen,a country band that I can sing with,The next time you're out eating at a restaurant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it's what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to behave or tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS": If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $3-$5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD'S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don't let them scream or run around the restaurant. It's very distracting not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.2. "THE CAMPERS": If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its extra $$ every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can't seat it, we don't make money.3. "THE VERBAL TIP": Telling a server they are the best server they've ever had is NOT a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don't appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave a shitty tip it's an insult.4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS: Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. Jesus doesn't pay the bills!! It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we cant pay bills w/prayer cards. We'd go to church on Sundays if it wasn't mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.5. TIPPING: It's not 1960. 15% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. We'll break it down for you....just look at the tax line and multiply by 2-3, this gives you your minimum tip amount. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage ($2.13) And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, then $4-5 to the bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?6. THE COMPLAINERS: If you get a discount because of your food was prepared wrong or you just feel like being an asshole, don't take it out of our tip. We didn't cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.7. THE LATE ONES: If you come into the restaurant 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get the fuck out. No better yet....don't come in AT ALL. I'd rather not have the 5 extra dollars you're going to leave on your $60 check. Thanks anyway... Closed means closed, not social hour. What no one seems to realize is that if customers are there, we are there no matter how late they stay. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.8. THE GREET: When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing please let us know. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that we are going to have to deal with your attitude the entire time. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also stop interrupting our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?" But please there is no need for life stories...we aren't telling you ours are we?9. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES: Seriously! Get off your fuckin phone...This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. All we ask is MAYBE two minutes of your time. It seems to me a small price for waiting on you hand and foot over the next half hour...So get off your phone. If you want to be rude to the guest with you, by all means, go right ahead.10. THE IMPATIENT ONES: Ahh yes... If a server comes to bring out your drinks and she/he is juggling about 5 things don't ask "Are we going to get some bread???". Do you not see their hands are full, does it look like you are going to get some bread at that moment. Clearly you will get bread, but unless the server can magically make bread appear, your question is ridiculous. Some people at your table might want their drink first, so thats what I'm bringing right now. As amazing as we've all become at carrying 200 things at once... we still only have 2 hands; and you're not the only person in the restaurant... so be fucking patient.11. THE ONES WHO RUN YOUR ASS OFF: If a server comes to your table and asks "is there anything else I can get for you?" I want you to tell me everything you need. Don't ask for one item, have me go and get it and on returning ask me for something else...and then keep doing it. Think of EVERYTHING you will need to make you happy and tell me ALL AT ONE TIME. We do have brains and can remember things... and last time we checked you aren't the only people in the restaurant, we have other tables that need us, and can't spend all night running back and forth. Not to mention our managers WILL begin to yell at us for not utilizing our time properly, or consolidating. seriously.12. SELF-SEATING: Once again...it is not 1960, and most restaurants are not on a "seat yourself" policy. Don't just assume that the area near the bar is a place where you can sit yourself down wherever you want. There is actually a reason hosts put you where they do. Hosts try to rotate tables, ensuring that each server gets the same amount of tables, and also so that servers do not get three tables all at once. This helps guarantee you get the best service possible. Therefore don't ask to sit somewhere else once a host has brought you to a certain table either....RUDE. If you are unsure about the restaurant's policy and there is someone standing at the door staring at you when you walk in, you can bet that's a host and they will inform you. Waffle House is the only place it is acceptable to sit at a table still left dirty from the party seated there before...and please feel free to go there. If you honestly have a problem with the table... wait for a host to rearrange their seating chart, and seat you in the next available spot.13. ORDER TAKING: When the server comes by to take your order, don't say that you are ready if you really aren't. Although it may seem fun to keep your server standing at your table for endless amounts of time while you actually decide what you want, there are once again other tables and other things that need to be done.14. ASKING TO SEE THE MANAGER: If your food sucks and you ask to see the manager don't make us sound like incompotent assholes. We bust our asses to make you happy, we dont cook your food so please STOP taking it out on us. And if you have a problem and you didn't think it was important to tell us... how are we supposed to fix it for you? Tell us first.15. SUNDAYS Just dont go out on sundays. Seriously don't. Stay home and cook your own food. Sunday is no diffrent then Monday-Saturday yet people love to shaft you on sundays, why? So do us all a favor and stay home. Especially the first week of the month, we dont want a whole $2 out of your welfare check.16. JUST SOME ADDITIONAL POINTERS FROM A HOSTESS (YES, THEY ARE ALSO PEOPLE TOO)... a) If a host or hostess is holding the door open for you as you come in, don't push the door farther open than it already is. 1) It does actually hurt when you hyperextend your arm like that, and 2) it's not funny to watch the host/hostess fall out into the lobby, no matter what you think. b) If the host or hostess tells you that it's going to be an hour wait, then it's going to be an hour wait. And your wait time does not decrease if you come up to check to see "how much longer" every five minutes, nor will it decrease if you stand in front of the person running the list and stare/sigh loudly/mumble under your breath about how long it's taking. you don't want to wait that long? GOOD. fucking leave then. that means the rest of these people don't HAVE to. c) Yelling, swearing, and/or threatening a door person, particularly a female door person, will not get you the table you want or get you seated faster. In fact, it will get you nothing but a boot from the restaurant, or spit in your drink... or worse... Not to mention... for most of these poor hostesses, it's their first job. be gentle, you assholes, they're trying.