After the much-lamented breakup of Holistic Concubine... Tyler found himself on an And 1 basketball street team in Harlem. He baked churros and delivered moon shoes in baskets of Cadbury eggs and fruit to all the good little children. He also married a holistic concubine (allusion!), formerly known as Gina Jade who has an extra leg and no arms. Currently, she is jerking him off with 2 feet planted firmly on the ground while using the other to get the job done.
Jacob challenged Thor to a kickboxing match and won the scepter of domination in the land of Nar-atoo-waiyyyy, where only great dieties may enter. Upon receiving the scepter, he found new light in his heart and took the first flight to Griiiilapiii, riding on the back of a Chaakljmauck (a winged pencil with 3 assholes). He now resides in a small snakeskin teepee communicating with nature and masturbating with uncooked noodles.
Brandon went to purify himself in the waters of Lake Minatonka but on the way got lost and contracted cholera from a passing immigrant and died. His mangled corpse was revived by a necromancer. The necromancer later turned out to be a necrophiliac as well, who killed him once again in order to violate his corpse. He then kept him imprisoned in the forest of Xzrakavhhhhj rubbing lotion on the skin. It was in this darkest hour that the mystic Plosdagoveski rushed in and carried his still dead body away and revived him by rolling him in the blood of the majestic Dajjaaa1rov h and then masturbating him back to life. Brandon then thanked the creature and went home to fullfill his dream of spelunking in the caves of Shruoooodami.
Ryan crawled into the womb of a Jergnakglaflok and waited patiently for 9 months in order to rebirth himself anew as, Gina Jade. This caused him to have a revelation and he then went on tour with Aly and Aj but sadly lost both of his arms and gained a leg from an unfortunate paperweight accident. He then applied for a job at MIT and now teaches a course on masturbating with webbed feet. Sadly, Tyler and Ryan met at a dental conference and ended up schloping numbers.
As for Nick Crider, we found him passed out in a ditch outside of Cow City. He ALWAYS bleeds or breaks a string or DESTROYS something or a combination of any of the three of these actions metioned during our live set which is almost 18 minutes now.
Epilogue:
We're broken up for now, though you never know when we might pop back onto the scene; you can catch Nick Crider's hott bod and axe-shredding with The Jacob Spindel. None of the other members currently have any musical projects going, we've all just been dicking around and going to college or some dumb shet.
Fin.
check these dudes outttt
LOOK AT BANNER, MICHAEL!
[made by Tyler. ]
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