*janelle*

my name is janelle. im complicated. i live each day because God lets me, and i know i am here to serve Him (and so are you!) david christopher is the most amazing guy i've ever met. he saved my life and gave me something to live for, and i will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to return the favor. and, NO, i'm not the kind of girl who overlooks loyalty in a relationship, so back off!! right now i live in seabrook with my dog ruby. don't ever pick a smelly boy to be your roommate (and his bum brother). my dad passed away two years ago. i was living in hell on earth but God saved me. i was completely lost. i go to U of H. im majoring in political science, specifically enviornmental law. i have a natural understanding of the human/Christian psychology. sometimes family isn't what it is supposed to be and when that happens you have to be willing to walk away but love them the same. i want to have power to change people's lives. my mom is the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. i'm confident that most people don't understand love. if i knew how to sew i could be a famous fashion designer. i like lip gloss and lotion. i have pretty eyes. they give looks that kill, though. when i'm sad its always because i forget to focus on God. i'll make a great wife one day. i love it when i meet people who are much smarter than me. i still play my original nintendo. i still listen to the same songs i listened to eight years ago. i used to smoke weed and cigarettes. i would die if my grandma ever saw this. my nieces are the greatest things that have ever happened to me. i would do absolutely anything in this world for them. justice is in my hands. my Pastor is someone i would die for. i mean that literally. i have a 4.0. i made the dean's list. i like bean and cheese tacos from las palapas. i miss nicole. i miss gaby. i miss jillian. i miss gabbi. i miss allison. i even miss max. my hair is gorgeous. "there is a thin line between exotic and scary." i have a lot of "old best friends" and very few real best friends. no one on my dad's side of the family will speak to me. i pray for them like i pray for myself, though. my brother kicked my mom out of his house and said he never wanted to see her or i ever again. i don't understand how a person could kick their own mother out. i had braces but my teeth arent perfect. my dad thought my clear retainer was someone's old dentures and he put them in a drawer in the garage and i didnt find them for a few years...that's a true story. im jealous of great poets. i write beautiful prose. i usually smell good. im probably taller than you (6'). ive shaved my arms since i was in 7th grade and now i dont have hair on them. i dont care what you think about me. i love Uncle Buck. you'll never do something i can't forgive you for (unless you swing an axe at my family tree). i wish i had more friends like me. when praises go up, blessings come down. david's house is my home away from home. ive been to jail (for a traffic ticket). april, the most awesome girl ever, drove david's truck to pick me up from outside deer park jail. i'm so thankful that the past is exactly that. i want to have a family. i'll be a great mother. i always need more time. i will never be finished.
she can kill with a smile, she can warm with her eyes,
she can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
she only reveals what she wants you to see,
she hides like a child but shes always a woman to me.
she can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you,
she can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
she'll take what you'll give her as long as its free,
yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me.
she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
she's ahead of her time.
and she never gives out, and she never gives in,
she just changes her mind.
she'll promise you more than the garden of eden,
and she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while youre bleedin',
but she'll bring out the best in the worst you can be,
blame it all on yourself cause she's always a woman to me.
she's frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel,
but she can do as she pleases she's nobody's fool.
she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree,
and the most she will do is throw shadows at you,
but shes always a woman to me.
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/ i love the zoo
.. i hate public restrooms
/ i want what i cant have
.. what i can't have is peace
/ candy is the best
.. chocolate is the worst
/ i have my own apartment
.. i need my own house
/ one day i'll have a maid
.. until then i'll suck it up
/ i love shopping in new york
.. i love shopping anywhere
/ target is the shit
.. snow cones are the super shit
/ deer park smells bad
.. my car smells worse
/ i dont ever get my oil changed
.. or wash my car
/ blood is the only thing that lasts
.. its always thicker than water
/ one day i woke up
.. and threw all of my excuses away
/ i flushed the toilet last night
.. and flooded my entire apartment
/ im afraid to have kids because
.. i dont know how to love any kids more than my nieces
/ i'm a conservative
.. i only trust fox news
/ i'm not the smartest person on earth
.. but i'm probably more persistant
/ i dropped my new cell phone in a cup of water
.. that makes three...
/ i think abortions are awful
.. i'll tell anyone that to their face
/ my brother is goofy
.. he gave me a rabbit that poops candy for easter
/ i dont know how to live for tomorrow
.. when i cant get away from my past
/ no one knows what its like
.. until they walk a mile in your shoes
/ sometimes i think its my fault my dad died
.. i promised God i'd be perfect if he stayed alive
/ my pastor used to be a drug addict
.. i love him the same
/ i dont see people's current problems
.. i see their future self
/ don't tell me im wrong
.. if you aren't right
/ beauty doesnt cut it
.. not for the person i want to be
/ i havent had a boyfriend in 2 years
.. but i've found someone i need
/ i used to tell dead baby jokes
.. until i made my mom cry
/ i like having friends who don't give a shit
.. because i never have
/ i don't think anyone is going to read all of this
.. but if you do, i love you
/ i'm a gangster
.. it's for sure
/ i should be studying
.. but i'm not
/ i went to NY right before 9/11
.. ive never been back
/ sometimes i think i care more about family
.. than family cares about me
/ my dad saved every lottery ticket
.. just incase he ever won
/ i read a million little pieces
.. right before they exposed the author as a fraud
/ i love to take hot baths
.. i hate when my roommate comes home
/ i'm a horribly considerate person
.. even when no one is considerate to me
/ i love jackets
.. and long straight hair
/ my grandma wore a 38 ZZ bra
.. now that's just too big
/ i wasnt invited to my cousins birthday party
.. i've probably already been forgotten
/ i wonder what its like after you die
.. sometimes i hope my dad cant see me
/ ill make everyone proud one day
.. and that's the day i'll say goodbye
Sometimes I wish that my glory wasnt my pain. I yearn for the days when I can embellish the realities of the world, not of myself. I long for the time when my most emotional past, isnt my most articulate moment.
i want to love you and need you without needing to love you.
at the point of realization, when she understands that requited love is not guarunteed, she snaps.
you might be an Ashley now, but one day you will be my Rhett.