he used to live in a thimble. all he wanted to do in life was a)make people sleep b)be the best in the world at flicking toenails c)to dangle his big fat hairy melon bollocks into a turtles eyebrow d) and of course be a exquisit poet.
As he was getting on in badger years he decided to leave all the shit a)-d) boring lifestyle, he had enuf of snoring and bunions and turtles heads and thought "fuck it" i cant even be arsed to make my poems rhyme, im going to be a porn star. so badger packed his things and told his landlord to stck his thimble up his fucFUCKING SMELLY RINGHOLE! and badger set off to skegness to persue his pornstar career. he got on the train and rolled aspliff. he was realy stoned n really hungry so he ate the train. this gave him some serios gut ache n he ran to the chemist for some badger laxitive. poor badger was on the shitter for 46 weeks not a good start to his journey. After he had recovered he hitch hiked to skegness. A fat dirty panda lorry driver picked himup and offered him a jammy dodger.Unfortunetly badger was unaware that panda would give him a lift in return for hardcors bumming. Badgr thought this was the perfect oppertunity to start his pornstar career so he whipped out his camera fone. But panda was amazed by modern technology n his big fat sweaty panda features exploded n caused a huge squid to clap his hands ffor joy for the start of a newera where badgers r no longer kept as sex slaves by thepandas. This revelation in the history of badger porn stars made lawrence start positively skipping and cartwheeling in hjis pink leather jock strap all the way to skegness! When he arrived in skegness he was greeted by the queen of badgers or otherwise known as carole. She gave lawrence a MBE for ending the sex slave industry, so sir lawrence badger MBE started to spread the word that he was in town hoping an up and coming badger porn star director would approathe (- i cant spell)him. Instead of a porn director a prawn farmer came along. he gave sis lawrence badger MBE a very good wage of 2 mole remover creams an hour n an unlimeted supply of gurning marrow fat peas if he would tickle his lovely pink prawns twice a day with a carrrot. of course being a very wise badger he jumped at the chance of working his wat up in the crustation sheeling business.
he tickled those prawns as if they were his own. it broke his heart when he had to see them killed n put in prawn cocktails for sally gunnelsl (to keep up her energy when hudling) Badger could no longer live with the guilt so he told the prawn farmer to shove his job up his fat, flabby, saggy greenish ARSE!! so badger went to the job centre. But before he got there a swarm of hungry polar bears chasing a cat trapoline poor badger. He died a long slow n painfull death.
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