Creation Scientist

Out of Gomorrah Theory Trumps Out of Africa Theory !: Monkey-man fossils explained!

Anthropologists have run amok, claiming that humans evolutionated from monkeys; that one monkey gave birth to a modern human, while the rest of the monkeys remained monkeys. Take my word for it, that's what they claim! They think they are aided by the fact that they only find monkey man fossils in Africa , where the great apes are, and that only the more human-like monkey man fossils are found in Asia and Europe.

What they have done is create an add hawk explanation to justify their sinful blood sucking, old person assaulting ways.
Everyone knows that these fossils are really just the result of the monkey-bestiality that occurred in Sodom and Gomorrah . If we see a gradual shift towards more and more human like monkey-men, with specimens like Homo Habilis, Homo Erectus, and Homo Neanderthals, its because these homo hybrids kept interbreeding with humans, resulting in more and more human-like species (or is that feces? LOL!). The disappearance of these freaks happened when Yahweh destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. With one snap of his finger, everyone, from animal humper to embryo alike....viola! So don't go believing these New World Order-funded scientists who are only here to send you to hell. Keep reading your Bible and do't look back, or else you may turn into a pillar of salt...LOL!
Pandora Theory Disproven...and it's all thanks to Noah!

Some people ask; after the flood (whereby Yahweh purged the world from sinful infants, embryos, and squirrels), how did the animals get from the Ark to the various parts of the world, especially large Marsupials like the Kangaroo who happen to be limited to Australia? Why do we find lion fossils in Los Angeles , lions that are virtually identical to the lions we find in Africa, only larger, and much larger than any modern North or South American Big Cat?

That's easy! There are two competing theories; The Godspeed theory, and the Flying Dinosaur Theory .

Godspeed Theory: Ever heard the Term "Goodspeed?" Well that's just it...Noah had Godspeed on his side, and was able to traverse the world dropping off Kangaroos, Penguins, Polar Bears, etc to remote parts of the world.

Flying Dinosaur Theory : This one is equally scientific; Noah and his sons rode flying dinosaurs in order to accomplish this. In fact, 8 is the perfect number for this equation, and lo and behold, scientists have found 8 archaeopteryxes (those things they believe to be transitional fossils ...LOL!).

So you can see, the distribution of animals is clearly compatible with The Flood!

My good friend and beloved peer Hovind claims that insects and arthropods would have been able to survive the flood without boarding the ark, which makes sense because we all know that Water Skeeters and Scorpions are equally equipped to survive in water! Of course there is always the issue of Genesis 7:21: And all flesh perished that moved upon the earth, both fowl, and cattle, and beast, and every swarming thing that swarmeth upon the earth, and every man; 22 all in whose nostrils was the breath of the spirit of life, whatsoever was in the dry land, died.

There is also the issue of Genesis 7:2 vs. Genesis 7:8

7:2 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee seven and seven, each with his mate; and of the beasts that are not clean two [and two], each with his mate; 3 of the fowl also of the air, seven and seven, male and female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.

7:8 Of clean beasts, and of beasts that are not clean, and of fowls, and of every thing that creepeth upon the ground, 9 there went in two and two unto Noah into the ark, male and female, as God commanded Noah.

That one is easily explained by the "It's probably a mistranslation or something to be taken metaphorically, but don't you go attributing that notion to the rest of the Bible" Theory.

So you see, we don't need no namby pamby Communist Pandora Theory that uses witchcraft-based Geophysics to explain continental drift and the rising and lowering of continents and sea levels...all we need is the good book!