Be Kind Rewind

This is the worst movie ever made. Literally, the worst. In the history of the cinema, not one single movie has ever been made that can be considered worse than this one.Those responsible for swindl...
Posted by on Sun, 02 Mar 2008 13:49:00 GMT

Dogs

****This blog has been removed due to the fact that some douche bag posing as an artist has decided to take all of the humor out of dog-killing.*****
Posted by on Fri, 22 Feb 2008 06:27:00 GMT

Dentists

If you are like me, you associate dentists with the less gentle aspects of Mussolini.  This may tempt you to avoid dentists for a period of say, oh, I don't know, seven years.  If this is th...
Posted by on Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:18:00 GMT

Happy Little Christmas Poem

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSENOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING,SAVE ONE TINY MOUSE. HIS NAME WAS GABRIEL,HE WAS THE JOHNSON BOY'S PET;AND HE LIVED IN THE JOHNSON'SNATIVITY SET.  ...
Posted by on Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:58:00 GMT

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving: A Merry Little Holiday PoemBy Rev. Christopher T. Dimond, Esq. IVON THIS MOST SACRED BLESSED DAYMOST REVERENT FATHER, TO THEE I PRAY.FOR THE MANY GIFTS THOU HAST BESTOWEDI CAN'T HELP BU...
Posted by on Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:55:00 GMT

Ketchup

Why in tarnation do ketchups exist that are not Heinz? Can anyone explain this phenomenon to me? Are there actually people in this world who willing choose to eat Hunts ketchup? And, if there are, ...
Posted by on Wed, 12 Sep 2007 20:57:00 GMT

Racism

I came to the realization the other day that racism still exists because of The Empire Strikes Back.Honestly, the one black guy in the whole galaxy is coincidentally the biggest intergalactic douche? ...
Posted by on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 23:07:00 GMT

Dear Myspace Ladies of Porn

Dear Porn Ladies Who Keep Sending Me Messages and Friend Requests:I am a lonely man. This is an established and well-documented fact. I spend far too much time on my computer. My life is quite sad,...
Posted by on Tue, 06 Mar 2007 20:42:00 GMT

Chris's Christmas Letter

Dear (insert your name here to make it sound vaguely personal),It's that time of year again: the time for yule logs, mistletoe, and a dramatically increased suicide rate. And my favorite part of the ...
Posted by on Sat, 23 Dec 2006 15:32:00 GMT

Ode to Bacon

I don't really have anything profound to say, so I will simply say this: bacon is the greatest meat ever. I don't think that this is even up for debate, it seems to be an accepted cultural belief. Ba...
Posted by on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 21:37:00 GMT