Once I have buried my mum under the patio no one will be allowed to enter my house before doing a tequila slammer, we will cover the walls in poetry, 70s and 80s disco will play on repeat, Thursdays and Sundays will be duvet days, wardrobes will be replaced with floordrobes, I will change my name to Mary-Jane, underwear will finally be the dress code, I will have fajitas for breakfast lunch and dinner and most importantly I will spend the small fortune she leaves me on getting taxis to and from the pub instead of walking. All I need to do now is pluck up the courage.
