I'll tell u who you are. Your alone. everything you feel can only be felt by you. The only way anyone else can get close enough to even see u is through your description. God did not give us the ability to describe the experience that is your state of mind to the T. For one thing we aren't even aware of half of the pain we feel, you see we are programed to mostly remember happy times when in the end you'll have 50 percent pain and 50 percent pleasure, for the evolution through trial and error. Do I want to know what ruthless is, do you? Do you want to see somebody elses throat cut and hang around to watch them drown on there own blood? Do you want to know what evil is? Close your eyes and remember your childhood. Are you familiar with "feeling sorry for yourself". do you ever read your diary you kept when you were a teen and stumble upon the fact that every single page is stained with drops of blood. Come on and drift away. In MY time of selfishness. I'll do anything for you and at the same time i will do anything to you, Its not me who I'm pissed off at but its me i'm going to take all this shit out on and thats all I need is more self created shit. I am selfish, self centered, self righteous self absorbed and i am even jealous of my self because i can't be who everybody says i am.The person i envy. when i cross over it will be out of anger away with space that is mine right now. The only thing presently that I crave more than music is my 3 year old daughter. not for stupid reasons either. like buying her 20 different collectible barbie dolls I found at a yard sale so I can say to my self i'm a good father. I know I'm not a good father. I just miss the way she sometimes looks at me like i'm the only piece of stimulus in the whole world worth examining, forcing her to reflect how beautiful her mind processes and exposing the depth of a 3 year old through eyes that seem as if they were 100 years old. I shit you not you can ask my babies mother who's insanity clashes with mine. at least shes a real parent though .........................must survive for the original Taylor Pod. I love u I will adjust my attitude for you. I will make vivid of the distortion that defines me right now. For you. I will want repetition. I won't crave new rushes and stimulus. I will be satisfied with comfortable habituality. For you. Because you did not ask to be here either. I want to make sure I do everything I can to keep you happy. Must survive. Maybe I won't go to prison for my disease. Maybe I will and be a better person for it. More motivation for you and because of you. I must survive by allways remembering with my heart and my logic that "we are not who we are for what we've done, we are who we are for what we do". READ IT
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