about me---- i am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. i have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch break, making them more efficiant in the area of heat retention. i translate ethnic slurs for cuban refugees, i write award winning operas. i manage time efficiently. occasionally, i tread water for three days in a row. i can tame a lion with jawbreakers and crazy glue. i woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. i can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and i can cook 30 minute rice in 20 minutes. i am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in peru. i can push all of the elevator buttons. using only a hoe and a large glass of water, i singlehandedly defended a small village in the amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. i play bluegrass cello. i can say the alphabet backwards. i was scouted by the mets. i am the subject of numerous documentaries. when im bored, i build large suspension bridges in my yard. i enjoy urban hangliding. on wednesdays after school i fix electrical appliances free of charge. i am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, a ruthless bookie, and a fierce competitor at skipping. critics worldwide swoon over my original line of courduroy evening wear. i dont perspire. i am a private citizen, yet i recieve fan mail. i have been caller 100 and won the free trip. i can eat 11 tacos. last summer i toured new jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. i bat .400. my deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. children trust me. i can hurl tennis rackets and small moving objects with deadly accuracy. i once read paradise lost, moby dick, and david copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. i know the exact location of every food item at the supermarket. i know where to rent superheroes and solar paraphernalia. i have performed several covert operations for the CIA on 4 continents. i sleep once a week. when i do sleep, i sleep in a chair. while on vacation in canada i successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. the laws of physics do not apply to me. i balance, i weave. i frolic, and my bills are all paid. i can giggle for 7 hours without blinking. on weekends to let off steam i engage in full contact origami. years ago i discovered the meaning to life but forgot to write it down. i have made extraordinary 4 course meals using only a cuisinart and a toaster. i breed prize-winning clams. i have won bullfights in san juan, cliff diving competitions in holland, and spelling bees at the kremlin. i have played hamlet. i tan. i have performed open heart surgery, and i have spoken with elvis. -------enough?