Myspace Survey You Won't Hate
Basic Info
name: Jesus...erm...Jared
birthdate: 3-6-90
current location: hampstead nc
eye color: hazel?
hair color: brown, black?
height: 6'
body type: morbidly obese sometimes
zodiac sign: lightning!
screen name: ta11en42 (Tony Allen 42)
What's Your Favorite
food: sushi
drink: orange soda
sport: baseball to watch, basketball to play
color(s): red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet
letter: K
number: 77
candy: reeces anything
animal: chupacabra
store: i really enjoy the discovery store for some odd reason
most missed memory: having memories
overused phrase: bitch
Have You Ever...
drank: duh, how else would I be alive?
smoked: no, i've never caught on fire
dyed your hair: no, my hair is alive
shoplifted: i'm not that strong
got a detention: yeah, when I attempted to assinate the president
had sex: i cant walk 2 feet without getting laid
done drugs: i need my daily claritin fix
kissed someone of the opposite sex: sure
kissed someone of the same sex: wow....no
had a bf/gf: i did...but then I lost her in the park
been dumped: i'm not trash!
dumped someone: i'm not a trash truck!
loved someone: i love george mason, denny crain, and jack bauer
In a guy/girl
eye color: anything, as long as she has eyes
hair color: same as above, only with hair
short or long hair: FUCK...see above
goatee?: no, i like my women shaved
height: anything under 40'
weight: anything above 10
funny or serious: i want a deaf/mute/dumb girl
cheesy or romantic: i'm lactoceintolerant so i guess romantic.
Random/Have you
what counrty do u want to visit: you're making a fucking survey...spell the word out
been to the mall lately: yes
like thunderstorms: only when they don't blow my house away
showery daily: once or twice a week i shower daily
sing: whenver i talk, i sing
want to go to college: i want to go to colorado or central florida
have any websites: yeah www.babemagnet.com
tped someone's house: i never t'p someone's house. BUT JOEY DID!
played poker with money: no, i only play with babies
been tickled so hard u cried: spell out the word
liked someone but never told them: no, i show affection for no human
went camping: i camped in my backyard but go to scared and went in
walked in the rain without an umbrella: i don't want to melt, so never
been to the beach: i try to avoid the ocean even though i live on the coast
play sports: who the hell hasn't?
like scary movies: yeah, i loved that one with the cowboys eating pudding
slapped someone: i slap all my hoes
had your heart broken: yeah, it was scary as hell.
swear: no, i'm anerexic
drive: ever since i saw pete's prius, i've scared of cars. that thing has teef!
have a car: to scared to
listen to music: no, i'm deaf
have a cell phone: could you speak up?
have an ipod: well....yah
siblings: one's in my bellah!
who do u look up too: shaq...he's fucking tall
Friends/Who...
best friend: oscar the grouch
can tell anything to: nick andros (if you get that, you're my best friend)
knows ur secrets: god does
you miss: i can't lie...i miss cody and kevin
be crazy with: edgar allan poe
call at 3 am: mrs. sexy pants
cry to: tom brady
would trust with your life: rambo
be your roommate in college: tommy lee
take on a road trip: jj the jet plane
be bestfriends 10 years from now: stalinbot
wish you talked to more: sasquatch
have cried with before: derek jeter...he's a panzy
laughs the hardest with: tom and jerry
miss being friends with: xzibit
has been your friend the longest: moses
Songs that...
you love: fuck tha police
you hate: anything by celine dion
makes you just want to beat someone up: holy shit, my washing machine is loud...oh yeah, don't you realize by the flaming lips
reminds you of someone...: you remind me -usher
makes you cry: gangsta gangsta is beautiful
you sing to: material girl -madonna
you dance to: stairway to heavan -led zeplin
are listening to now: puttin it on shuffle...
is stupid: mother we just can't get enough -new radicals
best love song: hit 'em up -tupac shakur
is stuck in your head: hey ya! -outkast
want to be played at your wedding: halfsharkalligatorhalfman -dr. octagon or else high as a mutha fucka -dirty ol bastard
next song your playing: let me put it back on shuffle...she fucking hates me -puddle of mud
if u have an ipod, how many songs?: haha....2071 now.
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You've been totally Bzoink*d
It was a typical day in the Queens Synagogue. Our resident rabbi was reading from the Torah when suddenly a T-Rex crashed it’s scaly foot through the roof off the building. Money and debris flew everywhere. Jews scattered everywhere and sprinted to their secret Jew gold piles. I grabbed all 14 of my children and headed to the bank.The dinosaur followed us and was soon joined by his family, eight more jew-thirsty reptiles.
We reached the bank and I took out my secret stockpile of $200,000,00 cash money to purchase an Israeli Jet. Once inside I realized that I did not learn yet how to fly one. Using my super-jew reading skills I quickly scanned the flight manual. The dinosaurs were hot on my trail, I ignited the switch and began to speed through a highway. I felt sorry for the Christians and Buddhists I ran through, but who cares, after all they are not Jewish. Since they are not Jewish my life is more important than theirs, but alas that is for another day. A few of my toddlers were ignited by my jet engines but I didn’t care, as I still had 8 children left.The rabbi and his remaining 8 children lifted off and began to coast over the Manhattan bridge. As he picked up speed he waved to his Jew-friends over in Lakewood, New Jersey. He could recognize their Jew curls from a thousand miles away. The rabbi called up his best friend, Jerry Finklestein, and asked him if he could punch in some numbers on his chance of survival. Finklestein came up with 33.3% repeating of course. This was just enough to get the rabbi through the horrendous ordeal. The children were annoying him but he yelled Stop your gretching and study, oy vey!â€
Soon he landed in Israel on the Palestinian border, and was immediately taken to jail. There he was tortured until he poisoned his guards water with his magical jew skills. Eventually he made his way back to New York, where he went to finally defeat a dinosaur. The dinosaurs were busy at Macy’s buying clothes for their wives back home in Montana, and they had their credit cards out. The rabbi noticed this and walked up to them.
“Hey, I’m sorry to say this, but your over your credit limit.†The dinosaurs went into a frenzy and began eating each others’ faces. None survived the ordeal. This is because the rabbi took the form of a giant yamika with his lawyer friend and took all the oxygen away from the city by covering the skies, thus killing millions and the remaining dinosaurs. So our story comes to a close, with the dinosaurs losing because they lacked one important thing, ACCOUNTING SKILLS.
The jews were revered until another invasion took over America, these were none other than giant ovens, but alas, that story is for another barmitzvah to talk about.My name is Jared and I'm not an alcoholic.I'm 16.I go to Topsail.My AIM is TA11en42I'm a Bostonian, not a goddam YankeeIf you're not on my friends thing, I probably hate you.
You want some co-co-cola?
..
How to make a Jared
Ingredients:
2343249 parts manliness
1231594584 parts being better than like anyone else
44324324324 parts bad-ass
5 234240932 1/2 parts being a Red Sox fan
2349234873204 parts being really, really, really good looking
Method:
Put into a pitcher and serve it around to every fucking person you can find. Especially if they're good looking female. You can drink me anytime.
Username:
Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.comNow beat that.
And your mothers saying “go to collegeâ€.
So you finish college and its wonderful.
You feel so good.
And after all the partying and crazing
And don’t forget about that drug habit you picked up at school being around your peers.
Hey now you’ll get that 25 thou, job a year and
you’ll spend all your money on crack cocaine, but it’ll be you’re your money.
No more borrowing money from mom for my high.
So now you get your degree tattooed on your back your so excited about it.
If you continue to work at the GAP, after several interviews, Oh my god!
You’ll come in at an entry level position and when you do that.
If you kiss enough ass, you’ll move up to the next level.
Which is being a secretary’s secretary!
And boy is that great, you get to take messages for the secretary
Who never went to college.
Shes actually the bosses niece, so now your apart of the family.
You know what college does for you?
It makes you really smart man
All you kids want to talk in the back of the class not me, I listened, okay.
I was a hall monitor, This was meant to be,
You know how many classes I took, extra classes extra classes?
No I’ve never had sex but you know what, my degree keeps me satisfied.
When a lady walks to me says “hey you know whats sexy?â€
I say “No, I don’t know what it is, but I bet I can add up all the change in your purse really fastâ€...