125553188 - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Well what can I say? Im a lovable rouge, I am a film buff and have a wicked sense of humour. I am Recently single after selling her to a Japanese slave trader for $10,000, a shipping container full of smokes(Benson & Hedges) and a Monkey-Boy named Mr Go-Lightly. It was a bit of a hasstle getting him through customs, thank god they didn't look in my boogie board bag!Anyways....My mother was a 13 year old French prostitute named Chloe. She told me my father was Famous TV star. When I was 6 she was horribly killed while filming an adult movie involving a donkey. I was then shipped off to various orphanges throughout the state until I was kicked out due to bad behavour.....Sneaking out at night and roaming the city, fighting, rooting, smoking, drinking.....You know, your regular 8 year old stuff. I was going to be sent to the bad boys home and made a ward of the state, when my father came foward to claim me.Father was no TV star but once worked at channel 9 as a cleaner and sold speed to Molly Meldrum. He was a pill popping drunk and he wouldnt let me go to school, he made me place bets for him at the TAB. If I wasnt doin' that I would sell VCR's down the pub. Father had 1000's of them in the garage.My Nana came and raised me when I was 12 after Father bleed to death in the bathroom after removing his flairing heamoaroids with a steak knife.She was loving and taught me how to bake cakes, throw knifes and how to pull off low rate scams, mainly welfair scams. She had 5 diffrent names so I had do be 5 different grandchildren. We raked in alot of ca$h for quite a few years. It was fun until I was about 17 and they worked out all of the names she used all lived at the same address.Nana must of been tipped off by one of her contacts at the dole office as she left me and moved up north to grow cannibis and I was held responable for the fraud charges! I was told I could do up to 5 years jail or join the army! I thought Id join the army, travel the world, explore new cultures, meet different people and kill them, how bad could it be? But somehow during testing, my psychological profile qulifide me to work as a goverment spook for ASIO! But I was only 17! I was deemed fit and was sent out to training for 2 years!A few months into my on-field training I caught the eye of some visiting American Goverment offical and taken to the USA on some exchange program. So by 21, I was running black ops in the Middle East for the CIA. I traveled the world doing all types of shit that I thought was reserved for Bond films- dressing up as a pizza delivery guy and assassinating a dictator, I killed an African warlord with a fork and exchanged a lot of breif cases. It was pretty exciting until during a lunchion at the WhiteHouse I was caught in the JFK suite with the Bush twins, Barbra and Jenna( That Jenna is a wild one!), in a compromising position, to say the least. George W was not happy and finally agreed to an hounrable discharge and I return home to Australia straight away. That night he invaded Iraq.I wasnt going to let some half-wit tell me what to do, so I spent the next 2 years wondering the earth like Kain from Kung-Fu, helping the helpless, until I was captured by a CIA strike force in a small village in North Thailand where I was teaching English and farming skills to the locals and smoking opium with the village elders. It seemed George W had not forgot or forgiven me for my antics with his daughters at the White House and was forced to return home to Australia. Where I write childrens books by day and fight crime by night

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, if your not into yoga and have half a brain, if you like making love after midnight in the dunes of the cape, write to me and escape! HA!! That goddamn song just gets funnier every time I hear it!....Whom I would like to meet? What? Here? I really dont expect to meet anybody. In general,I would like to meet; Jill Scott from Playboy, Danielle Atkin the model from the Price is Right, Aurora Snow the world class porn star, Ian McShane who plays Al Swearengen from Deadwood, Jack Nicholson, Paris Hilton to get my tape back, The Olsen Twins to get my tape back, Ashley from the Pussycat Dolls, Rove McANUS so I can punch him in the face and tell him that he is a hack and his mum owes me 5 bucks! Nikki Osborne from Quizmania (wish I was unemployed so I could stay up late to watch her) Hayden Panettiere the Cheerleader from Heroes.Al my Hero
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My Blog

Mental Home and Burning Cats!!!!

Ive just got out of a mental home after 5 years for arson and setting fire to cats. Nana had 5 cats and I was having some issues with her, so my shrink said I had to resolve this somehow, I think, hel...
Posted by on Sat, 30 Dec 2006 06:01:00 GMT