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Fran

About Me

ANNOUNCING BIG JEW FILMS PRODUCTION COMPANY!!! (in association with DEMI FILMS.)MY NEWEST DISCOVERY IS... CYNDI BERNHARDT!!! Check out her videos at www.youtube.com! Just search Cyndi Bernhardt OR Fran Schwartz!And don't forget to view my VLOG's on youtube! Just do a search for Fran Schwartz!Please subscribe AND comment often! Thanks, bitches!!!
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Myspace Backgrounds Hi. My name is Fran Schwartz. I'm sitting here with a drinky-poo in one hand and a ciggy in the other and I'm thinking to myself, "Where the hell did I put my lighter?" But anywho... Welcome to MYspace!I'm recently divorced...AGAIN! This is number 8. I'm starting to believe I'm way too much woman for the Schmucks I've been marrying. It's time to mingle, now that I'm single. Watch out boys... I've been known to get you drunk and take advantage of you. You want it! Feel free to send me an email. I'm a woman full of experience and wisdom. Have a question? Shoot it my way! I'd love to give you MY VERSION of an answer. ;) Jewish Kisses, Fran! UPCOMING SHOWS (that you'll want to see me in...) October 13 -- Bombshell Betties Birthday Show
October 27 -- Bombshell Betties Halloween Show Cruisin Rte 66 Bar & Grill - 7895 Watson Rd, St. Louis, MO 63119 -- With the Honkey Tong G-Spots and The Reebs -- Show time TBA November 24 -- Bombshell Betties CoUNTry Christmas - Mad Art Gallery - 2727 S. 12th Street, St. Louis, MO 63118 -- Show time 9 P.M.
Here's what to expect if you come see me in a show... LOTS of cursing! COMPLETE and TOTAL honesty! A lack of political correctness! A LOT of Jewish ranting! Content that is ADULT and SEXUAL in nature! Sarcasm and a sharp tounge! Self-deprecating humor! Big breasts and a fat ass! If you are still attempting to read this you need to get a fucking life, asshole! (TO UNDERSTAND YIDDISH VISIT http://www.bubbygram.com/yiddishglossary.htm)

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Britney Spears so I can sew her vagina shut and teach her a lesson in how to be a woman.

Get the picture? Oy!

My Blog

Another RANT...(Road Rage)

Road rage... we all experience it, and for GOOD reason.  There are some FREAKS out there on the road.  Why is it that people choose to stop at the most ANNOYING moment?  The other day ...
Posted by on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 09:01:00 GMT

Fire Crotch...

For some reason I always thought that when people called me (or Lindsay L.) a FIRE CROTCH it was a compliment.  It wasn't until recently I realized they are meaning it as a negative.  Why?&n...
Posted by on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 08:56:00 GMT

Facts of Life

Alright, kids, it's time for a little lesson on the FACTS OF LIFE!  (No... not the 80's T.V. giant with Jo, Blair, Tootie, and the ever-zannie Mrs. Garrett.)  The REAL Facts of Life.  H...
Posted by on Tue, 21 Aug 2007 07:59:00 GMT

A RANT (I’m allowed...back off...)

It's been a while since I posted a blog.  I thought I'd RANT a bit.  Sound good? Recently I was shopping at a local mall when I saw a very disturbing sight.  Indian parents (dot not fea...
Posted by on Sat, 18 Aug 2007 00:46:00 GMT

Fran-ilicious

Can we talk about this bitch named Fergie?  No... not the dutchess of York.  (She's no longer important now that she lost the weight and her ability to be a complete English whore.)  I'...
Posted by on Tue, 15 May 2007 11:50:00 GMT

Easter: Not Recommended for Jews of any age!

So... this "holiday" known as Easter.  Let's talk about this.  To the Jew it's just another day.  No special crap going on for the Jew on Easter.  It's just another day for the chr...
Posted by on Sun, 08 Apr 2007 16:44:00 GMT

Commonly asked Sex Questions

Contantly I'm asked, "Fran, how can I spruce up my sex life?"  People, and it isn't any wonder, know me as the guru of sexual exploits.  I'm honored...really....I am. There are certain quest...
Posted by on Wed, 07 Mar 2007 07:53:00 GMT

Anna Nicole Smith R.I.P.

I'm sure, by now, you all have heard that Anna Nicole Smith has passed.  Most of you don't know that I was a close friend of Anna.  I met her through her late husband Howard Marshall.  ...
Posted by on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 08:30:00 GMT

FranISMs: Those little things only I say.

You've heard it said, "When life gives you lemons make lemonaide." Fran says, "When life gives you lemons ask for limes.  They are much better in a mixed drink." You've heard it said, "Old habits...
Posted by on Tue, 07 Nov 2006 08:22:00 GMT

Sitting here...

I'm sitting here with a drink on a coaster (to avoid rings) and a ciggy balancing on the edge of an ashtray and I'm thinking to myself, "What would life be like without the joys of ciggys and drinky p...
Posted by on Sat, 04 Nov 2006 22:15:00 GMT