My name is Eunice Margerine Bailey, unfortunate, I know. My mother had a cruel sense of humor. I was born in a corn field, in Iowa...I know, right?
I collect bobbleheads in my sparetime, which is pretty much all the time. I work in a factory that manufactures q-tips. i dunno know what the Q stands for. Maybe "Quaker"
Did a quaker invent the q-tips? freakin geniuses...
I fluently speak five african dialects. They never come in handy. I eat onions like apples! I mean, I really like onions! Oh and cheese. But never together. Can you imagine the explosive diahrrea?! It would be unreal!
Anyways. I have cats. Lots of cats. 9 little fuzzy guys. I shall name them for you now.1. Faggot- hes my favorite2. ShaZaam - its jewish...3. Utters - I think thats self explainitory...ew4. Mel Gibson - He resembles him in a weird way.5. Doily - you know, the things under your grandma's lamps.6. Backfat - also self explainitory...really eww7. Critters - He has fleas8. Panties - thats a long story...9. Fluffy - He's a rex. no fur.So, those are my friends.
Sometimes, when I drive, I get a little tense. So I clench my buttcheeks. Maybe thats a little weird. I regret that already.Sometimes I think that aliens try to make contact with us. Like yesterday, I was eating cheerios and I looked into my bowl and it spelled out OOOOO. And then it hit me. That is totally the noise I would make if I saw an alien. And then it hit me again! I just made that noise, there must be aliens in my cereal. I mean its simple logic. Think about it. If you cannot make that connection, don't feel bad, us Baileys we have a superior genes and intelect. that runs very deep in our blood. Its a gift and a curse.I have a theory. I believe that miniblinds are a sign from Satan that the world will soon come to an end.Prove me wrong.I don't believe in gravity. I think it was originally a joke that scientist played on the world many moons ago. And those puny minded humans bought it. When i see something fall to the ground, it's clearly mere coincedence. I'll believe it when I see it.I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for it's life.
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