Jake Jacob Jacobson

I am a powerful member of the greatest college band of all time: Witness the Fitness! Our quest is a long and difficult one; filled with such trying obstacles as 80's music, and the broadway production Rent...We wish to prove to all who hear us, that we are indeed omnipotent and omniscient musically, politically, intellectually and sexually...If you hear but a note of our immortalized melodies, you will be captivated to listen to more, and if you are an 11 year old boy from Asheville, NC, you will be grounded for reciting the chorus of our hit, "The Last Two F's"...for it has been foretold in the prophecy of Witness the Fitness...our members are few, but our powers are infinite...We wield such weapons as The Mighty Axe (guitar), the Screeching Phoenix (A very loud bird), The Ivory Giant (Keyboard), and The Boomhammers of Injustice (Drums)...We were created by a very powerful wizard who destined us to become leaders of the Universe. Until that day comes, we will continue to make music and destroy all things you know to be normal. Prepare yourselves for the battle of a lifetime, and a prophecy of legend to be fulfilled...Also, thanks for your support, you guys are superterrific! Shucks! We'd be nothing without our fans! Teehee!