Tony Reali, the youngish, cantankerous host of ESPN's Around the Horn, has used his "otherworldly powers of mute" and silenced all ESPN employees, TV insiders said yesterday.
Reali plans to used his co-workers' prolonged silence to make ESPN into an "all-Reali, all the time" station.
"I plan to take over ESPN, and there's nothing anyone can do about it," Reali told reporters. "Maybe by mañana I'll let everybody speak...but not now," said Reali, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at the reporters.
"It stinks with a capital S, baby," wrote basketball commentator Dick Vitale on a piece of paper. "This diaper dandy Reali has really pushed the envelope here!"
ESPN management also wrote they "regretted" handing Reali "blanket mute capabilities."
A singular curiosity from Reali's mute has been the discovery that SportsCenter hosts Scott Van Pelt and Stuart Scott "can't spell worth a lick." Forced to communicate via pen and paper, the popular duo misspell "about 75% of the stuff they write."
Although sports fans across the country miss Dan Patrick's dry wit, Mike Lupica's hysterical laugh, and Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon's obvious attraction for each other, there's a small faction that applauds Reali's bold move.
"Look...Woody Paige and Dick Vitale can't say ANYTHING at the moment," said an anonymous sports fan. "Reali should win some kind of national award or something."
