I am the dreaded Tuza Parrot™. Descended from the prehistoric genyornis. We are similar in many ways. We both have voracious appetites and will destroy things for fun. My distant ancestor could run at up to 40 MPH. I can fly. My distant ancestor had only a powerful beak. I have diamond like cutting surfaces embedded in my powerful beak. Genyornis could snap a small tree in half. I can clear cut a rainforest.
In early attempts at domestication, I was used initially in the lumber industry, cutting down trees and making timbers. I am still used in that capacity today in Indonesia. In religious wars I was trained to slaughter the enemy at night. As time progressed, I was used in performing surgery. Although I am very adept at cutting, most patients died of fright and massive blood loss from having their surgeries performed by a 5 foot tall diamond toothed parrot. Recent advances in genetic manipulation are bringing forth Tuza's™ with Adamantium, and Plasma Wave cutting surfaces as well as Kevlar-esque feathers. The U.S. is continuing to study Tuza's for stealth warfare.
After dumping in several hundred dollars, and my elbow, I could not freaking make these shirts before Christmas. I have put them up on my merchandiser's page: http://store.99dogs.com/fishgonebadcom/You can now get a Tuza shirt, or baby doll made by a very good merchandiser who does this for a living.If you would like some other product, let me know.
I will be appearing on FishGoneBad.com eventually!
