1229310 - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I don't get out much. I have twenty dogs. I live underneath a kitchen sink. Few people know that I am the reincarnation of Rudolph Valentino. I am an artist. I make sculptures of my neighbors out of raw meat and dryer lint. No one knows it yet, but I'm a revolutionary, one of the greatest minds of any generation. Right now, I have a bomb strapped to my chest. Despite having killed two fellow human beings and numerous woodland creatures, I am a very nice person if you get to know me. Wanna smell me? I smell good. Can I smell you? I write things, you know. Funny things. Hilarious things. Things that will make you shit your pants with the sheer amount of the goodness of the things. Shit. Your. Pants. That's pretty damn good. Oh geez. Oh geez. Oh geeeeez. Cheeeeeeez.
Additionally, I've been described by others as the following; a masochist, a habitual drunk, a chain-smoker, a sarcastic cynical social retard, insane in the membrane, fat, lazy, emotionally constipated, a player hater, a hater in general, a general dysfunctional good-for-nothing ...
... and that's just according to my parents.
Sidekicks include a co-dependent bipolar cat and a underachieving suicidal spider plant lovingly named Steve. We have a double-dutch team called The Kobra Kai and the Justice League of Kicking Everyone's Asses. We hope to make it to the nationals this year.
But seriously:
Leave. While you still can. It's scary here. That being said, JOIN US IN THE MERRIMENT!

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Anyone who can eat fifty hot dogs in one sitting.

Who I wouldn't like to meet:
The Beatles, myself and probably you.

Try and find me:
I dare you.
deviantart || Crappy art and writing.
livejournal || More of the same, really.

Generic useless survey:
Yeah, you really don't actually learn anything about me. One would hope not anyway. Then again, maybe it's too reveiling.

Name: Liz the Biz
Birthdate: 01/28/83
Birthplace: Floor.
Current Location: Chair. I'm movin' up in the world.
Eye Color: Yellowish-green. Or greenish-yellow.
Hair Color: Black.
Height: Short enough to be bitter about it.
Weight: Heavy enough to know better.
Piercings: I should have four, if they haven't closed up already.
Tatoos: N/A
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: I have no need of such devices.
Overused Phraze: Gurk?
FAVORITES
Food: Chinese.
Candy: I dislike candy.
Number: Do people have those?
Color: Grey. Or Gray.
Animal: I's loves kitties.
Drink: Rum and coke, wine, jager.
Alcohol Drink: Wait. Oh, fuck. See above.
Bagel: One with cream cheese.
Letter: Do people have those?
Body Part on Opposite sex: WEINER!
This or That
Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
McDonalds or BurgerKing: Taco Bell.
Strawberry or Watermelon: Strawmelon.
Hot tea or Ice tea: Long island ice tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla CHOCOLATE!
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Neither, really.
Kiss or Hug: DO NOT TOUCH ME.
Dog or Cat: Kitties.
Rap or Punk: Neither.
Summer or Winter: Neither.
Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Both.
Love or Money: Money, duh.
YOUR...
Bedtime: Whenever I happen to pass out.
Most Missed Memory: I miss nothing.
Best phyiscal feature: Third leg.
First Thought Waking Up: What'd I do last night???
Goal for this year: Not to fuck up so much.
Best Friends: Kimi-chan!
Weakness: Blankets.
Fears: I fear nothing.
Heritage: White people don't have any heritage, you sillies.
Longest relationship: Ha! That's funny.
HAVE YOU...
Ever Drank: Duh.
Ever Smoked: See above.
Pot: And again.
Ever been Drunk: I would hope so.
Ever been beaten up: Probably.
Ever beaten someone up: Yes.
Ever Shoplifted: I don't think so.
Ever Skinny Dipped: No.
Ever Kissed Opposite sex: Yes.
Been Dumped Lately: No.
IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color: The black and blue ones I give 'em.
Favorite Hair Color: Dark.
Short or Long: Don't care.
Height: Don't care.
Style: I don't fucking care.
Looks or Personality: Someone who isn't totally retarded.
Hot or Cute What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Drugs and Alcohol: FUCK YEAH.
Muscular or Really Skinny: Don't care.
RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past: Too many to mention.
What country do you want to Visit: Anywhere is fine. As long as it's not here.
How do you want to Die: In a blaze of glory. And pyrotechnics.
Been to the Mall Lately: No.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Sometimes.
Get along with your Parents: Sometimes.
Health Freak: Ha! No.
Do you think your Attractive: I guess, maybe to some people. Mostly weirdos.
Believe in Yourself: Well, I do exist. No matter how much I would hope I didn't.
Want to go to College: That would be nice, wouldn't it?
Do you Smoke: Why, yes I do.
Do you Drink: I do process liquids occationally.
Shower Daily: I try to.
Been in Love: I would hope not.
Do you Sing: Occationally, when drunk.
Want to get Married: Not in particular.
Do you want Children: Oh, god no.
Have your future kids names planned out: Hollywood Stargrove.
Age you wanna lose your Virginity: Eighty-three and not a year less.
Hate anyone: Oh, such hatred do I have ...

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
I gots a MEEZ:
I don't know why, though.

Cliche youtube-ery of the moment:
My x-mus present to you.

HOLY FUCK I WAS BORED online quiz o' the moment:
Dope.

You Are the Very Gay Winnie the Pooh!
Come on, he doesn't wear pants!
And he's a little too obsessed with Christopher Robin What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

The ever-changing featured special myspace friend:
Gunther He's my hero. Seriously.

Animated GIF of randomness:
DOOP.

My Blog

I’m bringing loser back (yeah!)

Another Halloween done and gone. Did you have the big fun? Well, I hope you did, 'cause now we're stuck with the holidays. Economic depression and I have to buy you some electronic device that will be...
Posted by on Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:14:00 GMT

Airport METAAALLLL!!!!

So I had this ingenious idea today. No one listens to me at work. NO ONE. It's rather sad. I tell people to take their liquids, creams, gels, aerisols out of their bags. I tell people to take their la...
Posted by on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 10:34:00 GMT

I hope my eyeballs don't fall out

I've been working the floor of my new call center job for about three days now. So far, so good. However, I can't help but notice something about my eyeballs. I'm finding that they get really itchy an...
Posted by on Fri, 22 Jun 2007 01:39:00 GMT

Tra La Life

Music really sucks these days, and by days I mean the past decade. I haven't heard anything worthwhile on the radio for such a long time that I've just stopped listening to it. What's the point? Why l...
Posted by on Sun, 03 Jun 2007 01:23:00 GMT

Friendly Neighborhood Superhero?

I was browsing through the vast recesses of the interweb recently, when I found an interesting, if not embarrassing, news story. It appears Phoenix has its very own Superhero by the name of Citizen Pr...
Posted by on Wed, 02 May 2007 10:02:00 GMT

Cost-effective therapy

I've never been good at keeping a journal. A personal one, anyway. Whenever I start one I either forget to write in it after a while, or I go back to read older entries and I think to myself, "Damn, I...
Posted by on Fri, 30 Mar 2007 02:07:00 GMT

Intervention Addiction

Now, maybe it has to do with chronic insomnia. Most would argue that I'm pretty much an addict myself, but I doubt that completely. But recently I've somehow become addicted to the A&E channel sho...
Posted by on Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:51:00 GMT

That bad ole time religion

Before I begin, I would like to state that I have nothing, I repeat, nothing against Christians or any other type of religion. Except for the kind that like to rouse me from my sleep on a Saturday aft...
Posted by on Wed, 21 Mar 2007 17:48:00 GMT

Rest in Pieces

One of my closest companions died yesterday, right in front of me. Although his life was a life of constant struggle, he always did his very best to do his job. But unfortunately, much like myself, he...
Posted by on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 17:03:00 GMT

Tobacco Martyr

About a month ago I received a ticket for littering. Apparently, when you casually toss a cigarette butt out your car window on the fifty-one and it hits an officer's car, after which he decides to ta...
Posted by on Thu, 21 Dec 2006 17:47:00 GMT