Smarmy Jerk profile picture

Smarmy Jerk

Great big phony seeking other phonies to be phony with

About Me

Last night I dreamt that I had insomnia.

My Interests

Anhedonia

I'd like to meet:

I have difficulty meeting people. They scare me.

Music:

Al Green, Andrew Hill,Anthony Hamilton,Aretha Franklin,Art Blakey, Art Farmer,Barry White, Bauhaus, Beach Boys, Betty Carter, Bill evans, Blackalicious, Blackstar, Bob Marley, Bobby Hutcherson, Bobby Womack, Booker Ervin, Booker Little, Brad Mehldau, Branford Marsalis, Bunny Wailer, Burning Spear, Cee Lo Green, Chaka Khan, Charles Lloyd, Clifford Brown, Common, Culture, Curtis Mayfield, D’Angelo, Dave Douglas, David Axelrod, David Bowie, De La Soul, Dead Can Dance, Dennis Brown, DJ Spinna, Don Pullen, Donald Byrd, Donny Hathaway, Doobie Brothers, Dr. Dre, Duke Ellington, Earth, Wind & Fire, Eric Dolphy, Erykah Badu, Frank Sinatra, Funkadelic, Ghostface Killa, Gladys Knight + Pips, Gnarls Barkley, Gonzalo Rubalcaba, Grachan Moncur III, Grant Green, Gregory Isaacs, Herbie Hancock, Herbie Nichols, Horace Silver, Ice Cube, Isaac Hayes, Jack DeJohnette, Jackie McLean, Jaco Pastorius, James Brown, Jason Moran, Jay Dilla, Jimmy Cliff, Joe Henderson, Joe McPhee, John Abercrombie, John Coltrane, John Lennon, John McLaughlin, John Surman, Joy Division, Kanye West, Karl Denson, Keith Jarrett, Kenny Dorham, Larry Young, Lauryn Hill, Led Zeppellin, Lee Morgan, Leon Ware, Lou Rawls, Madlib, Marvin Gaye, Mary Lou Williams, Medeski Martin & Woods, MF Doom, Michael Jackson, Miles Davis, Minnie Riperton, Mos Def, Nas, NERD, New Order, Nirvana, Oasis, Ohio Players, Otis Redding, Outkast, Pat Martino, Pearl Jam, Peter Tosh, Pharaoh Sanders, Pink Floyd, Prince, Public Enemy, Quincy Jones, Radiohead, Rick James, Roberta Flack, Roland Kirk, Roy Ayers, Roy Hargrove, Rufus featuring Chaka Khan, Russell Gunn, Sam Rivers, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, Shuggie Otis, Sly & The Family Stone, Smokey Robinson, Steely Dan, Stevie mother-fucking Wonder, Sun Ra, Syreeta, Talib Kweli, The Bad Plus, The Beatles, The Brothers Johnson, The Commodores, The Congos, The Coup, The Cure, The Doors, The Gap Band, The Gorrillaz, The Isley Brothers, The Jackson 5, The Neville Brothers, The Pharaohs, The Pixies, The Police, The Roots, The The, The Updetters, The Velvet Underground, Tito Rodriguez, Tomasz Stanko, Tower of Power, Tribe Called Quest, U-Roy, Wayne Shorter, Wes Montgomery, Woody Shaw, Wu Tang Clan (and component parts),

Movies:

Cube 3: Cube Zero

Television:

Fareed Zakaria's Foreign Exchange

Books:

Man Without A Country by Kurt Vonnegut

Heroes:

Myself. I am in possession of several superhuman qualities, or "super-powers" if you will. I tend to forget what they are, but will list them here as I remember them:
1- Superhuman capacity for self-amusement.
2- The ability to stick or unstick any song into my head at will
3- The ability to lose any umbrella under any circumstance. It could be handcuffed to me and I could lose it.
4- I can move my eyes independantly of each other, when I cross them. And I can jiggle them all fast. 5- No matter how much I drink, I will not pass out. This is not always a good thing.

My Blog

Yo Mama So Fat...

Okay, I'd like to apologize for this up front.  These are by nature offensive, often in several ways simultaneously.  I went through a phase of a couple days thinking up as many of these as ...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 11:39:00 PST

Suri Cruise Is Weird Looking

Yeah, I said it.  She looks like she's wearing a Tom Cruise wig, and her eyes are preternaturally blue.  If she turned to the camera and started talking I wouldn't be suprised.  Definit...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Thu, 07 Sep 2006 11:41:00 PST

I'm bored 2

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?No.  Why would anybody want to do a silly thing like that,2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?2+ years3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? The last one I remember is the Grand The...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Wed, 16 Aug 2006 05:44:00 PST

My Vision of HELL

I will be told by Satan that I have  to bill for every minute I was alive, in 15 minute increments, with a minimum of material to refresh my memory as to what I actually did all my life...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Mon, 03 Jul 2006 02:58:00 PST

Occassionally the alma mater gets it right

From the SF Chronicle's Tim Goodman's blog (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/indexn?blogid=24 ): "Frontline/World" has always been the little international news magazine that could. It's also...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Tue, 27 Jun 2006 03:27:00 PST

Bad work news

My new computer has 70 gigabytes of space and the ability to burn cds (and watch dvds).  This isn't going to help my billing. Anybody want some music?
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Fri, 02 Jun 2006 11:02:00 PST

Yesterday I turned 30

So the next natural question is: What other atrocities have occurred on April 18th throughout history? Well, since I asked: 1880 - A F4 tornado strikes Marshfield, Missouri, killing 99 people and inju...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Thu, 20 Apr 2006 04:21:00 PST

Oh my god!

Until just minutes ago, for the entirety of my life on this planet, I thought that Charles Nelson Riley and Rip Taylor were the same person. Consider my world officially rocked.
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Fri, 14 Apr 2006 05:07:00 PST

Oh, you're a ribald one, Oakland Tribune

Of all the possible to phrase the headline for the front page this morning, I salute you, Oakland Tribune for choosing "Libby Fingers Bush..."Whether you have no editors, or just a dirty dirty mind, ...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Fri, 07 Apr 2006 03:17:00 PST

Which is harder?

Which is harder: A) Billing 140 hours every month in .25-.75 increments in ever longer, more banal descriptions  or B) Putting a shotgun in my mouth Really makes you think, doesn't it? ...
Posted by Smarmy Jerk on Mon, 03 Apr 2006 01:59:00 PST