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I am here for Friends

About Me

I'm pretty much a run o' the mill dude. I was pronounced dead at birth. Doctor's lost my heartbeat for hours. Diagnosed with Spastic Cerebral Palsy at age 2. Named Easter Seals Poster Child for TN when I was 5. One of the first disabled kids to go to regular school in Nashville.Got rear-ended by a school bus after exiting said bus. Skipped the 8th grade. Selected as a Youth Delegate to the United Nations after completing high school. Won the Bronze medal for the shot put in the United Cerebral Nationals.Started in Stand-Up comedy in '93. Became a DJ for the Alternative Rock station, Thunder 94, in '94. Performed for crowds up to 10,000. Raised several thousands for United Cerebral Palsy of Middle TN. I've told jokes with Mikhail Baryshnikov. Discussed the Bible with Marilyn Manson. Jewel asked to touch my nose. And my right hand has held Gwen Stefani's ass.I'm also up to 21 surgeries now. Pissed away countless opportunities to better myself because of laziness, stupidity, or pride. I've been engaged 3 times yet never married.See, I'm just an Average Joe makin' his way through this big ol' world. Just one with a cooler strut and cheezier smile than most.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Anyone that genuinely has something to say. Challenge me, don't bore me.

My Blog

Flirting With Disaster

   I got an e-mail from my friend, Keith Alberstadt, a couple days ago. Keith and I started out at Zanie's together in the mid 90's. He's a big time comedian now. (Check out his site www.kei...
Posted by on Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:04:00 GMT

"With great power..."

   Last Saturday night, Seth came in to the studio for his shift, took one look at me, and laughed. "Dude, a Spider-Man hoodie?!" He asked this while I was putting my Spider-Man lunchbo...
Posted by on Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:13:00 GMT

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

   I'm gonna keep this one short and avoid my usual Tolstoy-like offering. I'm not gonna be able to do my cross-country trip this year. I realize, now, that I have to create two new business...
Posted by on Fri, 08 Aug 2008 03:28:00 GMT

3 is a Magic Number

    Positivity. That word was coined by Donnie Wahlberg. Yes, that Donnie Wahlberg. The one from New Kids on the Block. That makes it officially the only good thing to ever come from a ...
Posted by on Sun, 04 May 2008 07:17:00 GMT

Limping in a Randy Wonderland

   Hello everybody. Let me be the millionth person to welcome you to the holiday season. I hope this finds your cockles as warm as chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Currently, mine're abou...
Posted by on Sat, 08 Dec 2007 07:49:00 GMT

I Like Un-Painful Butts and I Cannot Lie

   A couple of months ago, I decided to make a change in my writing. I vowed to remove the profanity. I wanted people of all ages and walks of life to be able to read the junk in my hea...
Posted by on Mon, 29 Oct 2007 09:05:00 GMT

Duality, Its Not Just for Breakfast Anymore

   On the C.D. "Mental Jewelry," the band Live has a song entitled, "The Beauty of Gray." I always liked that title, "The Beauty of Gray." I can definitely see a beauty in gray. The perfect ...
Posted by on Thu, 02 Aug 2007 09:18:00 GMT

Blogging, It Does a Body Good

   Hello again, amigos. I've been getting quite a few messages asking me where my trip and charity stand right now. Well, this is my attempt at being a new, more prolific Randy. I'll be doin...
Posted by on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:12:00 GMT

Fear and Self-Loathing on the Pacific Coast Highway

   About a year ago, I found myself in the hospital again. No bones or joint stuff this time though. Freaky stuff. I had an infection called Cellulitis in my calf that was making it swe...
Posted by on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 08:02:00 GMT

Randy's Oh-So-Excellent Adventure

   Last night, my friend Brad and I went to a concert by a true Rock God, Chris Cornell. Our love for this man borders on the uncomfortable. For over 15 years, Chris...
Posted by on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:07:00 GMT