P- On my way up here, of course I noticed that big property slump in Newcastle due to the Giraffes. M- The Giraffes?? Are they still there? P- Yep, there's about 150 of them now, can you believe it? M- No wonder, as there was about 50 or so on the channel 4 documentary and that was on about 12 months ago.. P- I know, they've been breeding, they've been breeding and.. M- ..Because they escaped from that dynamic and they now live in the cooling chimneys or burrows.. P- Burrows in the centre of Newcastle.. M- But they're real pests, aren't they? P- Well they are basically vermin. They're nocturnal and they're sort of black/brown and dirty and oily and hard to see, covered in coke cans and of course they disrupt the rubbish skips.. M- And now they've taken to murdering flower arrangements in shopping centres and smashing their heads through first floor windows at department stores.. P- That's right M- ..and chewing up all the cotton stuff. P- This, this is what is having that shocking effect .. prices, of course.. M- Which have slumped. P- But have you actually seen them? M- The giraffes? No, have you? P- God yes! M- Last week? P- Yeah, Yeah! When I was in Newcastle. M- How? P- Well, you only actually see them when they've made a mistake, because you know, what they do is, right, they often attack the sodium street lights. So you see a sort of cluster of five or six of them, all surrounding a street lamp, banging their heads into it like.. M- Moths P- ..Moths, yeah. Their necks get tied together. M- That's right, I remember! Their necks get tied together and then the trappers just come along and whisk them off, unless of course, it's the mating season.. P- Well, yes. It's terrible in the mating season.. M- ..They're very aggressive, aren't they? P- They can be very aggressive and of course they get really into those lamps, they smash into them, their heads get.. M- Fused together P- ..Fused together, that's right. It's horrible, it's really horrible M- And they blacken. Well, these big sort of frozen blackened statues are called Darwin's Tripods. P- Darwin's Tripods, that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah M- And the social impact is huge as well, of course in Newcastle now because they've been championed by.. P- The Gays M- ..The gays, that's right and they're not just icons, are they? P- No, they're not just gay icons, the gays go around riding them.. M- In fact, you could draw your curtain in many guesthouses and look out across into a park or a field and you'd.. P- See M- ..see, yeah, gays - riding around.. P- Yeah M- ..on gi-.. P- Yep, yep M- ..-raffes, on the back of.. P- mmm M- ..giraffes and some of them are skipping, aren't they? And playing games and they have festivals and I suppose around this time of the year, it's particularly bad for the gays? P- Autumn is, autumn is.. M- Because the Darwin's Tripods are in profusion, aren't they? P- Yeah. I mean I saw something the other day and it's quite touching and it's quite tragic actually, when you see a Darwin's Tripod surrounded by weeping gays.. M- At dawn? P- It was at dawn, yeah M- You were up at dawn? Do you know if you're up in Edinburgh around dawn, it's a really good time to see the castle, wandering about having a wank