i’ve traveled to all seven continents, sailed around the world, discovered new peoples, and have even been in space (the astronauts actually let me go on a space walk with them). i’m currently preparing to join a group of scientists at latitude and longitude coordinates 4.815' n, 162.342' w. they seem to be quite interested in hearing about my adventures.
my life hasn’t always been this exciting. i used to oversee the kitchen operation at victory ranch, a campground in moreno valley. life was good back then, for a short time. but seeing life pass by from the vantage point of a small shelf in a kitchen got old quick. the strange chain of events that followed changed my life forever. a radical protestant group known only by the initials t.t.t.s. infiltrated the kitchen. what happened next i can’t explain. t.t.t.s. kidnaped me, a monkey of no importance.
t.t.t.s. demanded victory ranch put an end to coed swim time during teen camp, in return they would restore me unharmed. the demand was never met. my time with t.t.t.s. was valuable. i determined to abstain from dancing and foot tapping (a movement having the appearance of dancing). eventually t.t.t.s. recognized me as one of their own. i was released with the vow not to return to victory ranch until our demands were met.
so here i am. experiencing life around the world, hoping one day to return to my roots. until then i will keep myself separated and communicate via myspace (with strategically placed post-its to cover up the ads).
