CalamityBean - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Perpetually exhausted.

My Interests

.. Vanilla Djarums. Procrastination, followed by panic, followed by terror, followed by acceptance, followed by apathy, followed by a cigarette. Silly giddiness. My digestive system. Your digestive system. Colored glass. Other peoples' business. Sopapillas. Dark humor. Money. Happiness. Living in a basement. The dreaminess that is Crispin Glover. The dreaminess that is Gael Garcia Bernal. Attempted starvation. Goth night at the Church. Biting my nails. Popping my knuckles. Attempting to pop Michael's knuckles. Fighting sleep. Complaining. Shrieking. Showering. Tanzanite! Jigsaw puzzles. Life, in general.

I'd like to meet:

Your local abortion doctor. My future French Bulldog.

Music:

Jeff Buckley. Pj Harvey. 16 Horsepower. Le Tigre. Roy Orbison. The Cramps. 12 Rounds. Smoke City. Murder City Devils. Hole. Julie Ruin. Suicide. Alan Vega. Nina Simone. Morrissey. Nancy Sinatra w/Lee Hazelwood. Steve Lawler. Deadbolt. Snog. So on and so forth, etc, etc.

Movies:

Virgin Suicides. I Spit on Your Grave. Da Hill Have Eyes. David Lynch. John Waters. Ass Cream Pies.

Television:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Empty filler stuff, ah, mind-numbing. I let television do all my thinking for me and then I can't be blamed for anything I do - ever. It's actually quite liberating.

Books:

Middlesex. The Color Purple. Flannery O'Connor. The Diary of a Teenage Girl.Still She Haunts Me. Margaret Atwood. Sandra Cisneros. Charles Bukowski. Star Magazine. No more Chuck Palahnuik *vomit*!

Heroes:

Master Shake. Car mechanics. Small business owners. Artists. Abortion doctors. Non-conformists. Covergirl LipSlicks in Hipster. Anyone who listens to what I have to say or at least pretends to. People who give me money.

My Blog

Thanksgiving dinner.

Sans turkey leaves me but one choice: a gravyboat full of semen; only this year I'll have to limit myself to just one. Holidays really do bring out the child in you.
Posted by CalamityBean on Fri, 16 Nov 2007 08:14:00 PST

My celebrity look-a-like.

Is..... Lynda Carter. Men from the older generation have told me this on more than a few occasions. However, the other day a customer (from the forementioned older generation) told me that I reminded ...
Posted by CalamityBean on Sun, 11 Nov 2007 05:07:00 PST

This property is condemned.

My mom has this uncanny penchant for moving in next door to some of the worst neighbors. When I was last in El Paso, she had me look over into her neighbor's backyard because I wouldn't believe that t...
Posted by CalamityBean on Thu, 08 Nov 2007 05:05:00 PST

Think before you speak.

Wow, I learned my lesson today. I got myself torn a new digital butthole! Never ask if someone is pregnant unless a) they confirm pregnancy or b) they give birth in front of you and ask you to cut the...
Posted by CalamityBean on Fri, 02 Nov 2007 05:17:00 PST

Workity.

After drilling me non-stop with inane questions about our food, a lady asks me in alarm, "Was my hamburger patty ever *gasp* frozen?!" "No, ma'am - we have cows tied up in the back and we grind them ...
Posted by CalamityBean on Sun, 28 Oct 2007 07:55:00 PST

Watch this.

Maybe babies can be fun?!This series is cute and clever - I've already watched them several times. If you watch them, make sure that they're in sequence and with sound. I think you'll get a kick out o...
Posted by CalamityBean on Fri, 26 Oct 2007 04:52:00 PST

All your babies are belong to me.

My cousin just had a baby. I like'a da babies that are family. They're fun to hold but it's a nice feeling to leave that baby behind and not have to worry about its college education. The bottle...
Posted by CalamityBean on Wed, 24 Oct 2007 09:56:00 PST

Hey, woim-o.

I just received an email from fotopic.com telling me that they were going to delete my photos because I hadn't logged in for 222 weeks and 5 days. I don't even remember having an account with them or ...
Posted by CalamityBean on Thu, 18 Oct 2007 05:11:00 PST

Something in the works.

It seems like everywhere I turn these days, I'm within two arms length of a vegetarian and/or vegan. I used to think these people to be fanatical social retards but now I'm not so sure - I'm starting ...
Posted by CalamityBean on Tue, 16 Oct 2007 04:47:00 PST

Recurring themes.

For the last few months I've have a recurring theme in my dreams. It involves myself either renting, buying, or knowing someone who is doing these things (renting or buying) a home or building. B...
Posted by CalamityBean on Fri, 12 Oct 2007 04:52:00 PST