I own a bookstore. Called Black Books. I was going to call it "World of Tights", but you know how stupid people are, you have to spell everything out.
They'd all laugh at me if they knew what I was trying to do... to create a new strain of super-wine in a half an hour with a fraction of nature's resources and a FOOL for an assistant. "Bernard Black, he's mad," they'd say. "He's insane. He's dangerous." Well I'll show them! I'll show them all! Nobody is prepared to admit that wine doesn't have a taste.
I'm a hotshot lawyer like you would've seen on... television. And as you know, it is illegal to sell space under the European Legislation Act, which happens... in a court.
I like eating some sort of delicious biscuit.
I also don't mind my lunchtime drinking partner, Fran. Even if she does look like she fell out of a tree.
I'd like to meet:
A summer girlfriend - you don't get angry. You throw your hair back and laugh as we bicycle around the Cotswolds in a taxi. You flick the cherry off the pie and only eat the cream because that's what Aunty Nibs used to do.
Music:
Ludwig, as in the composer.
pardon me sir... is that a chantanooga choo choo...
Movies:
Grouchy Leonard Blue runs a second hand record shop with his half-wit mustachioed assistant Danny...
Planet of the Apes.
Television:
Television was invented to keep the stupid people occupied while I take over the world.
Books:
Books? I hate books. They attract customers. I detest customers/humans of any kind.
Heroes:
Someone who's a bit like a lawyer - arrogant, cruel, crooked, a real bastard.
Fran. Maybe Manny. But... he's mine! You can't have him! Get your own human plaything!
