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This is how the tale begun:
Nick Nicotine (Guitar) was doing some dirty cigarette business way down in Chihuahua (Mexico). The he met Chicken Birdie Joey (Bass), half man, half something chickenish, running from police, accused of being the head of a chicken revolt in Kentucky. They begun playing in the sewer, the place where one day Fast Eddie Nelson (Drums) showned up. Fast was a well knowned killer from Washington State, famous for the murder of Miss L. Palmer. They started drinkin', smokin' good Chihuahua tobacco and makin' shows, that happened to, somehow, be complete flops (because of their altered state, we notice). But they were good, they were the most drunk band ever seen. By the way, they met a crazy nigga, really fucked up in the brain. His name was Krazy Selmer, a cotton field worker in Tenessee, escaped from a bad mamma who told him no good. Played the sax, and was good with the chicks. They recruted him immediately. Crazy old Selmer, bro!
The shows were not giving money, so the guys started robbin' liquor stores, never takin' money, only the honey (the liquor, that means). After a while they were haunted by the mexican and american police; but they kept playing, escaping and changing gunfire with the cops. Sometimes disguised of mexican whores, sometimes of catholic priests, sometimes even of cops... no one seemed to be able to stop them, untill...
Untill the day Fast Eddie Nelson died. He died tragically. He died surrealisticaly. He died like he had lived: DRUNK! Suffocated between the legs of a woman. R.I.P. Fast Eddie Nelson, the fastest tongue in the west.
The band was shocked! Amazed! They even thought of quittin' the booze, but only for a while... then they kept with tequilla and drunk in memory of Fast Eddie. Oh Fast Eddie! How they miss ya'! I know you'll always be in their hearts, their music (the man who killed Laura P.) and at Nick's house (he kept the body with him).
So! Now ya must be askin' yourself : "Why am i readin' this crap?". Well, you can allways ask that and more, like: "Why am i alive"; "What am i doin' here?"; " Why am i spending so much hours wasting time in this shit net, when i could be drinkin' and smokin' with my friends?", and don't you expect them to answer that, 'cause this is the net and Los Santeros aren't really on the other side of your computer (ya did know that, didn't ya?). They're probably drinkin' and smokin' with their friends.
Ok! Fast Fuckin' Eddie Ol' bastard we love ya' bones Nelson died. And the gang asked themselves: "What are we doin' here? Why are we alive?". "To keep drinkin', smokin', drinkin', playing a bit, drinkin' booze and drinkin' while playing!", answered a voice from bellow. The next job was to find a new drummer. They were walkin' down the street, thinkin' about it, when they saw him... An indian, completely drunk, lying down in the middle of the sewer. That's it, they thaught! TAKAHANGA WILLIAMS II. was the new guy! A real santero! Ouch! They begun playin' again! Horray for the world!
Last but not leashed, BabyFace Tony. An escaping gangster from Chicago, Illinois, showed up in their sight, when he was trying to robb the gang's tequilla boxes. "What the fuck are ya doin'?" asked the gang. "I need something to drink", he answered. "Do you know how to play anything?". "Well, i once saw a guitar..." "You're hired, santero".
After building their legend in the deserts of Mexico 'n' Texas, the actual Santeros (Nick Nicotine, Chicken Birdie Joey, Crazy Selmer, Takahanga Williams II an BabyFace Tony) have been seen stealin' whiskey boxes in the free-shop of Mexico City Airport. Word is that they might have took the plane to the Iberian Peninsula. Some reports of magnificent booze parties indicate that they might be headind towards Lisbon...
Expect them, n' expect anything, (Lock up your booze)!
Mr. Bill (Nick's ex-Mother and biographer), 2000
2001 UPDATE
They're Here... Yes... The rumours were all right! After a whole year without a sign from Los Santeros (but filled with gossip 'bout them...) we, Hey Pachuco!, found what turned to be the most significant couple of news concerning World Music: Los Santeros are about to play, one more time, at Santiago del Escoural; this time in the local football field and... Fast Eddie is alive and kickin'!!! So all you Santeros around the world, wrap your tents, catch any kind of transportation and go to sweet ol' Alentejo. The date for the event is June 3rd, 2001. Campin' and concerts are free... You'll only pay the wine and food. It's THE DEAD MEXICAN TOUR!!!
Later we'll tell you all the stories behind Fast "Eddie" Nelson's death and how are Los Santeros doin' these days.
Howard C. Nile (Head of Hey Pachuco's Social Development Department), 2001
2007 Update
Well...nothing really changed much. The Dead Mexican Tour ended in August 2006 but another tour followed weeks later (The Return of The Dead Mexican Tour). Los Santeros have played Europe and Asia several times. Last time someone heard of them they were playing in a Festival in Mali (or Mail or something like that, in Africa).
Current Line-up:
Nickie "Nickname" Santero (A.K.A. Nicholas Santero) - The Guitar
Fast "Eddie" Nelson - Drums
Chicken "Birdie" Joey - Bass
Discography:
LIVE AT CHIHUAHUA '77 (1977, Cassette)
THE NIGHT OF LIVING PACHUCOS (2001, VHS)
RESPETO Y HONOR (2003, CD)
AVAILABLE THROUGH HEY, PACHUCO! RECS.
Hey, Pachuco! Recs. Myspace [click here]