About Me
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills
them.Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding
his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation,
he is
always understood.Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of
vitamin
T.Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome
British
path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself
and
created Scotland.Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked
Mr.T
in the chest. the result was the 80's.23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken
you to read this sentence.On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of
disguise. Mr
T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out
of
fear.Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
created
Pity.Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement
by
getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
doors.Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of
the
concept of infinity.Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in
actuality,
their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a
look of
shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately
testify
anyway.There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going
to
walk.Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff
at
Denny's forgot his birthday.Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest
in the
show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen
with
the words "Right Behind You" written on it.Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift
of
the beard.Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on
him.Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is
Mr. T.Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What
occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
recorded
in human history.Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting
pain.Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.One day when Mr. T was just a little T doing push-ups on the
schoolyard, he
heard some kids singing "I'm a little tea-pot." Thinking those kids
were
tarnishing his reputation by associating T and pot, mini Mr. T
proceeded to
rip off the kids' handles and dislocate their spouts before tipping
them
over and knocking them out.Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove
that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.Mr. T once appeared on the show, Fear Factor, not as a contestant, but
as a
stunt. There were no winners and 6 deaths on the show that day. Mr. T
has
not been invited back.Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch.
On April 26, 1986, after a private meeting between Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev, Chuck Norris was briefed by the President on Russia's explicit denial that a being such as Chuck Norris existed. In pure rage, Chuck Norris swam the Pacific, trekked across the Russian tundra barefoot and single-handedly destroyed an entire town. Overcome by shame, the Russians renamed it Chernobyl. ...I guess none of this was really about me at all. ...sorry
