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because nothing I do is secret or hidden
Darkness follows me, like my lithesome shadow, haunting the corner of my eye with its taunting presence, always a part of me, yet never fully one. Under the apex of the sun, are we one, or are we utterly apart? When the clouds part and the brilliance of the full moon is cast down upon me, and I reach out with one milky white moonlit arm towards you tonight, I shall consider the contrast of my flesh against the darkness of my moonshadow, and long of you.
How many times must I set aside
who I am for the sake of delicate sensibilities?
Who are they to look at me thusly
when they can't even look openly at themselves?
Why do you judge me as if I am
subject to your close minded ideas of morality?
Where do I turn when the world
has shunned me because I see things differently?
The scars I bear matter not in my search for truth. For no matter how many scars I bear, I will never know enough suffering to encompass even a fraction of that which exists. The tears I shed all fall in vain without knowledge behind them. I cry out to the vast, and I seek the truth, but my voice echos in the emptiness of the unknown. What is this pain in my heart that inspires me to know, to be, to manifest truth?
About me... I am a poet, a romantic. Subject to extremes. I am passionate, in love and hate. I can be obscene at times, my mind rarely leaves the gutter, full of filth, sarcasm, and cynicism. At first approach, I typically drive away most people, just by being myself. I live at the far end of extremes, never satisfied. Sharp-tongued. Offensive to traditional sensibilities, most of which I loathe deeply. Unsure and emotionally fragile (stupid female brain, I loathe you!) - I put up an towering and mighty facade that nothing bothers me - FUCK YOU ALL, DIE! I follow varying paths of enlightenment, I have a passionate contempt for the knowledge, heritage, and old ways lost because of the catholic church and their tyranny! (Don't get me started!) I put a great deal of faith in nature and it's elemental powers. I consider myself an Animist first, from there I float towards crazy ideas about the Book of Enoch. My cat means more to me than any human on earth. I mean that with 100% conviction. Fuck with my cat, I'll kill you. Fuck with any helpless animal cruelly and I'll kill you, come to think of it. I think being peeled to death with a vegetable peeler would be too kind a fate for an animal abuser. I have a strong sense of honor and integrity, however, it is rare that I find any HUMAN worthy of my respect and therefor these values go for the most part unnoticed and unseen. This trait differs GREATLY from the "fuck everyone, I'm out for myself only" ideology of most Satanists, in that I value my karmic scale, my integrity to those I respect, and my honor. I would protect my close friends at all costs, and it wouldn't be difficult, seeing as I only have 4-5 of them. Everyone else, this pathetic and sickening mass of humanity, I would just as soon see dead, and I wouldn't mind it being by my own hand, at least in part. I do believe that SOMETHING exists beyond what we can understand. I am not sure what it is or what to call it. To suggest that I do know would be very egotistical and go against my beliefs. The truth as I know it is, I don't know.In my free time, I love reading books. I love music, deeply, it is like breathing for me, life without it would be unbearable. I love being out in nature, going on hikes, swimming, and horseback riding. I love my cats. I miss my horse, I'll have another horse someday, but I can't afford it right now. I have a passion for throwing axes. I also play disc golf. I lift weights, I run, and I hike - as much as I can find a partner to do so with me. I'm not a vegetarian. I try to eat healthy, but I ENJOY a nice slab of bloody red meat sometimes. It doesn't bother me if you disagree with my ethics on the matter, if it offends you, and you're hanging with me, just say so, and I'll not do it in front of you. I work in the meat department at the grocery store. I actually like the work. It's simple, I work with two older men, it's not social, it's not hard, it's not slow, it's just WORK, good, honest work. People, in general, often even my friends, stress me out and annoy me. Stupid capitalist society and rushed people living shallow existences!
...Enough about me! Want to know more? ASK.
When my final days arrive
I will ride out into the vast
through the holy wooded corridor
of earth, wind, and spirit
upon my white stallion of truth
leading the black mare of intrigue
And when I find my place of rest
from my beast I shall remove
all traces of mankind and earthy binds
and he shall be freed with intrigue
to meet his fate without my weight
not bound into servitude under man
And in this ritual, I hope to find
answers to long asked inquiries
as I cast away the binds I created
against those who should remain free
will I finally see the truth
through my own hypocrisy, humanity?
if in my final gesture
should truth be mine to see
free me from this earthly fate
may I not relive another lifetime
give me peace from this cruel place
to which I have long been cast
And if I am not worthy
earthly lessons left unlearned
then I ask in humbled grace
that you cast me back down into hell
to another earthly life of misery
until I have gained insight
For truth should only come
to those who have found it justly
and if I be not of justice
and learned of truth honestly
then give me not a simple fate
but cast me into a life of strife
through a million earthly lives
imprisoned in human ignorance
I will fight my way towards this end
to find my way back to that which I am
to live in honor again
within the halls of truth
Anything above this line ^ is mine.
I wrote it. Don't even think about stealing it, I'll fucking kill you.
If you quote any of it, quote it with credits attached!
Phaewryn
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