kevinISM

handingouthope.org
Male
29 years young
Everywhere
Last Login: Every 5 minutes, like a sicko
Status: Totally In Love
I don't need to pretend to be a big man to be strong.
I don't have to show you cock shots in order to be hot.
I don't have to explain myself to know that I am smart.
I don't have to tell you that you're wrong to be right.
I'm just joking around. Don't be so sensitive.
Life's irony has brought about the new revolution of Kevinism.
The theorems of Kevinism all boil down to one thing: Live extreme.
I'm so complicated, I don't even understand me.
I'm snobby but I am so ghetto.
I'm super cute and smart and funny and witty and fabulous.
I am also thoughtful and deep, but you won't ever get that far.
I am confident but also insecure.
Can be conservative, always liberal.
I demand my independence, yet still hope there is "the one".
Some find me repulsive, some, charming.
I need support and guidance but don't tell me what to do.
Always open-minded but super stubborn in the same breath.
I am passionate, yet closed off.
Control freak with no self-control.
Our society repulses me, yet I often seek its approval.
I am easy to talk to, fun to laugh with, but impossible to know.
I can be reserved and observant or insanely obnoxious.
I need your love but I won't ask.
Life forces me to focus non-stop, but I fit some daydreaming in there.
Always working, usually distracted.
I don't believe in much, but will fight to the death for what I do.
The rationales I make in my head seem fanatical to the outside world.
The mix of creativity and logic work well in business, but come off as mood swings personally.
To acquaintances, I may seem insane, but those who know me have come to accept my eccentricities.
General: Feeding the flames of my desire, Journeying through my mind, Partying, Doing Crazy Shit, Chillin with Friends, Good Conversation, Meeting New Homies, Music, TiVo, Reading, Exploring Humanity and Trying to Find Mine, Cartoons
Music: Anything that will make me dance.
Michael Jackson, P!nk, Pop Crap, of course KELLY CLARKSON
Movies: I like action and horror and SciFi.
Television: Watch TV on your iPod while at the gym!
Big Brother ALL STARS, Project Runway, Seinfeld, The OC, Lost, Desperate Housewives, The Chapelle Show, The Daily Show, Charmed, Smallville
Books: I love to read almost anything and would rather read do most anything else.
Anne Rice, comic books, Stephen King
I Am: I'm the guy who will txt you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams. I'm the guy who will call you and tell you "I love you and you make me smile" just because. I'm the guy who will blindfold you and take you to the beach, let you run your toes through the sand and then make you guess where we are. I'm the guy who will show up at your games (or competitions or meets) without you knowing just to surprise you. I'm the guy who will hold you when you crying and wipe away your tears. I'm the guy who won't pressure you to do things you dont want to. I'm the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well. I'm the guy who kisses you on the forehead. I'm the guy who doesnt kiss and tell. I'm the guy who actually listens to you when you talk. I'm the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more. I'm the guy who can't help but smile when you walk into the room. I'm the guy whos perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling. I'm the guy who won't lie to you about where hes going or where he's been or who he's been with. I'm the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name. I'm the guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you. I'm the guy who isn't always trying to act like a hard ass around you. I'm the guy who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them. I'M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD. That is all.
Have you ever stood in front of a mirror in the bathroom and looked at yourself while the shower was running? Have you ever felt your heart leap inside of your chest when, in a matter of seconds, the mirror fogged up and you became a hazy blur? Have you ever tried to wipe the mirror to see yourself once again and even then the reflection is distorted and then the mist comes and sweeps it all away again? Have you ever wiped and wiped, hoping to get a better view of yourself only to have the mirror steam up again and again?
-7/1/2004
If I love you this much and I am not the one for you,
Then the one for you will be all I am and all I am not
And will love you even more.
-2/25/2004
Last night, I sat alone under the great big empty sky.
The wind came and whispered, the trees shook and rustled.
I shivered, not of cold, nor of fear.
It was dark, but I could see,
for many times I had the sight,
but I was blind.
This time I heard no voices, unlike innumerable moments
when many spoke at once and still, I did not understand.
I felt no touch, no hand to hold, but I stood upon my own two feet,
a perfect equilibrium finally reached.
The pensive smile grew into a triumphant grin?
Because, for once, I was alone, and I was not sad, nor afraid,
not anxious, nor timid, not hesitant, nor uncertain,
to be the self which had gotten lost
-8/5/2005
I wish I knew what I was talking about.
-Everyday

Distant on the horizon, Rain clouds begin to form
I pretend not to notice, Not believing in the storm
I refused to let the daylight leave, While dancing in the sun
Living in the warmth and light, I was free to laugh and run
They say the rain is going to come, They say it is almost here
But I refuse to hear their words, Because the day seems clear
The sunshine made me happy, The fresh air made me smile
I must do all I can, To keep it for awhile
Don?t judge me if I run away, Heading towards the light
Don?t laugh if I battle the storm, Don?t get angry if I fight
You see, a long, long time ago, I managed in the pouring rain
I didn?t know the way it felt, To live without the pain
And then the sun filled up the sky, And warmed me with its rays
And gave me hope I never had, And promise of bright days
And now it seems to my dismay, No matter what I do
The rainy days are back again, The sky no longer blue
The clouds are here again ? so black, They fill my world with dread
I hope to catch a glimpse of blue, And rain pours on my head
I stand there hoping it will pass, But rain just fills the skies
It drenches me so you can?t see, The tears that fill my eyes
Those sunny days are memories, A joke from God above
And now I?m back where I belong, Just cold and without love
- 9/5/2006
Slowly I wake up. I refuse to open my eyes. I want desperately to go back to the dreams. The place where people are who they say they are, where you don?t get hurt, where you can fly and do magic and bring people back from the dead. A place where you don?t worry about bills or responsibilities. Where you overcome lies and you are strong enough to break free of your shackles. Where there is no pain or suffering and you are never confused or afraid. But no. I am unable to get back to place and I shiver, naked under the covers. I don?t want to go to work, where they push me and abuse me. I don?t want the people who pull me and expect so much. Where is the pace of comfort? Where I find the place of peace? Where can I go where I don?t have to be afraid? I know, I know. You say it will be okay. You say I can trust in people. You say there is a light at the end. You say happiness is coming. You try to soothe and comfort me. You tell me it will all be worth it. I don?t believe it. I see no promise of hope. All I see is disappointment and misery. All I can touch are my own fears and failures. Is it any wonder I prefer dreaming?

- 12/8/2006

I've been dreaming for so long
To find a meaning, To understand
All the secrets of my life
Why am I here? Do I try again?
Will I always? Will I ever
See truth staring me in the face?
Will I ever? Will I never
Free myself by breaking these chains?
With my heart, With my soul
I'd turn it back. It's my fault.
Your destiny can’t be won,
Until the tempest is done
With my heart, With my soul
I'd turn it back and then at last
I'll be on my way.
I've been living for so long,
Many seasons have passed me by.
I've seen revolutions
Rise and fall, I've seen it all.
I've seen the horror, Seen the wonders
Happening in front of my eyes.
Will I ever? Will I never
Free myself by making it right?
With my heart, With my soul
I'd turn it back. It's my fault.
Your destiny can’t be won,
Until the tempest is done
With my heart, With my soul
I'd turn it back and then at last
I'll be on my way.
And you know the dream ended long ago.
All our stories and all our glory
I held so dear.
We won't be together forever and ever.
I'll always be here until the end.
With my tears.
- 1/8/2007

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