Hi, I'm Sam. I'm a student at OXFORD (brookes) university which is in Oxford, just down the road from the real university where the less likeable people go. I'm studying (yeah, well...) German and Film, because one day I want to be a director and, well, I can fall back on a German degree when it all goes wrong. Or if it goes wrong. In Germany it's the same word. If you're one of those unfunny people who thinks you're hilarious but ISN'T, you'll ask me if I'm going to make German films. HA FUCKING HA. Having said that, I do laugh at that joke if you're a good looking female who isn't a bitch. Anyway, the film course sucks so I'll probably drop out and just do German. It's definitely not gonna help my career. When I'm not draining the economy on campus, I live in the inbreeding capital of the world, Gloucestershire. Hell, I'm still spending money that isn't mine wherever I am. I'm back from a year in Germany, 'studying' in Köln. By studying, I do of course mean 'destroying my liver', but it's ok now cos I stopped drinking so much so now I just do fuck all, apart from occasionally working on my scripts. In the unlikely event that I actually go to a lecture, everything just goes over my head and I come out wondering what happened in the last 2 hours. I think I might have ADD because... hey that guy is *really* tall... where was I? Whatever, anything else you wanna know, just ask, and I might tell you or I'll tell you to mind your own fucking business.Actually I'll probably tell you cos I like talking about myself.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Sam
Birthday: 13/3/86
Birthplace: Bristol
Current Location: Cheltenham, UK
Eye Color: Brownish green
Hair Color: Dark brown
Height: about 5 3 I think
Right Handed or Left Handed: I guess left cos I write with that hand but I do other stuff with my right hand, like mast... mastering the skill of golf
Your Heritage: Half English, half Czech, if you're on about blood, but I've never been there and I don't speak the language and if you really go back, we're from all over Europe... and probably beyond. That's right, you can't escape us, we're everywhere, and if you let your guard down for one second, your ass is grass and I'm pouring petrol on it
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black steel toe capped boots I stole from my Time Team job, they're good for kicking things, there's something satisfying about putting your foot through the side of a wardrobe
Your Weakness: Dunno. I like cats (especially little kittens that actually say the word 'mew') and I'm ticklish. I mean, I'm NOT ticklish so don't even try or I'll cut you. Also I'm a hopeless romantic, it's sickening, mainly cos it's normally one sided
Your Fears: How I'm gonna die, losing people I care about, bugs with lots of legs, the thought of waking up deaf and/or blind, and thanks to Final Destination 3, rollercoasters, subways, and sunbeds. Got over my fear of wasps though! They pissed me off so much when I was trying to get work done, I managed to replace the fear with anger, and eventually guilt after I poured boiling water over one when it was innocently enjoying some jam, I cried myself to sleep for weeks after that. Still scared of bees and hornets though
Your Perfect Pizza: One with lots of meat and jalapenos, it's worth the inevitable pain, which can actually be avoided if you throw up after eating
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I dunno, just get through it, I guess, survive uni, sort out my problems, find my woman, whoever she is, all the usual stuff
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol of course, why do people write lol so much? No one laughs as much as they say they do, unless they write it in capitals maybe and even then they could be lying, but then no one lies on the internet do they? That would just be stupid...
Thoughts First Waking Up: Damn, it was just a dream, thank God, it was just a dream, fuck, it wasn't a dream, hey I lived through the night, dammit I'm still alive
Your Best Physical Feature: I've been told I have nice eyes
Your Bedtime: It's nearly 2am and I'm on Myspace, fuck you for asking that
Your Most Missed Memory: I miss living in halls and I miss Cologne and I miss my old school and I *really* miss my best friend
Pepsi or Coke: I dunno, they're pretty much the same aren't they? What the hell is Cola Zero? It tastes like Diet Coke, which tastes of coke substitute and cancer. I like cherry coke. But then I'll take any if it's loaded with whisky or vodka. You know what? Forget the coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Neither but McDonalds saved my life on many a drunk night out
Single or Group Dates: Group dates that become single dates. I'm always nervous at first but once we get comfortable, everyone else can fuck off... as long they can give us a lift after. Once I'm comfortable with someone it's gotta be single dates for a while, then I guess we could double date but I've never done that
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: What's Nestea? I like it black with sugar, freshly brewed and hot, fuck you Starbucks, do you even know what a cup of coffee is? Can't you make them without bombarding us with sizes and milk fat content? Do we really have to specify a percentage? Teaspoon of coffee, hot water, splash of milk, 2 sugars, is that so hard?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate or vanilla what? Are you asking if I prefer black or white girls? Why don't you just ask that? Why do you have to disguise it as a Cosmopolitan personality test? Why am I even doing this questionnaire? Fuck you, fuck you all and you're superficial trendy ways!!! Anyway, they can both be sexy, they can both be ugly. Unless you mean ice cream, in which case I prefer vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino I guess
Do you Smoke: Not often, but when I do, well, I don't mess around. I normally take it up temporarily when I'm going through a stressful time or I wanna piss off ex girlfriends who don't like it. And ignore the warnings, it *does* make you look cool. Coolness comes at a price.
Do you Swear: Too much. You cunt. (Ha! See what I did there?) But seriously, I never swore in my bastard life
Do you Sing: When I'm drunk or (think I'm) alone. For what it is, karaoke should not be fun, having said that, according to Singstar on the ps2 I can sing Johnny Cash and Rolling Stones pretty well
Do you Shower Daily: Most days
Have you Been in Love: Yes. Horrible isn't it? How can so much pain be caused by nothing hapenning?
Do you want to go to College: I'm living it but not loving it, although the time I spend off campus rocks my cock
Do you want to get Married: Someday, preferably accidentally while drunk in Las Vegas. But yeah, I look forward to the day when I find someone I could happily spend my life with and who wants to spend hers with me
Do you believe in yourself: Yeah, I think so, I mean here I am, but then I guess that's more knowing I exist, than believing I do, but I could be wrong. Don't get philosophical with me cos I will start to doubt my existence and if I come up with a crazy theory that turns out to be true, I might just puff out of existence and come back as a cat, which would be pretty cool, especially if I could be like a cathuman with cat powers and could fly. I dreamed about that, it was great. Sorry, what was the question?
Do you get Motion Sickness: Sometimes, especially if I read but I get bored on journeys and they don't play music on public transport so I have to read or I'll kill a passenger. I also get sick if I sit backwards on buses, which I guess is convenient if I ever do have to purge cos it goes all over the person opposite me
Do you think you are Attractive: I like to think I'm not hideous. Drunk girls like me, and alcohol brings out true feelings, right? Fuck it, I'm pretty average
Are you a Health Freak: Hell no, guess I should consider it. I'm just a regular freak
Do you get along with your Parents: Yeah, I don't get the ones that don't get along, I mean, what's the point of having kids if you're just gonna be an asshole towards them? I mean, I guess if your kid's a little cunt... but then how did they get like that?
Do you like Thunderstorms: I like watching them from the comfort of a wide open space, while leaping around, doing the thunder dance with a metal pole, in my tin foil jumpsuit
Do you play an Instrument: No, I really should. I'm thinking piano or guitar, or maybe inventing a combination of the two. I can play a few basic things on bass and I kick ass on Guitar Hero, as long as no more than 4 buttons are involved anyway
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Of course, in the last few hours actually
In the past month have you Smoked: Oh yes, quite a lot lately actually, I better stop that. It kills healthy people so what chance do I have?
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nope, haven't been high since September when I got lost in my housemate's room and thought I was in the hallway and I was scrabbling at his window, trying to get into the kitchen
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Of course I did, it went really well and now we're happily married. What do you think? Do you enjoy this? Do you get some kind of pleasure out of rubbing singledom in my face? Do you? You fucker? Yeah, you better run, bitch
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yeah, went to look at all the nice things I'll never be able to afford
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No, I don't eat boxes. And Oreos kinda suck. And why do people dip them in milk? That's nasty. Just eat the fucking biscuit and drink the fucking milk, it's easy
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No, Japanese are tight with money, I can't afford £10 for a ball of rice with a bit of fish in the middle
In the past month have you been on Stage: I'm going through one now
In the past month have you been Dumped: Need a girlfriend for that
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Yes. Yes I have. In fact, I haven't worn clothes since 1997, they restrict my karma. Actually I do like to go out without underwear, it's more comfortable
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Not so much lately, just some gum from tescos, I slipped it up my sleeve while I was waiting in the queue, just to see if I could without being noticed, then thought what the hell. I lead an exciting life
Ever been Drunk: No but a dog tried to eat me once.
Ever been called a Tease: Not by a girl
Ever been Beaten up: Not properly, I'm just waiting to erupt though so bring it on. I do have a lot of hate for someone though but he probably would beat me to a bloody pulp
Ever Shoplifted: Stole some sweets when I was 10 and when I worked in the Co op I took a few pounds from the cash register cos I was pissed off (probably about having to work while hungover) and I wanted to rent a movie. Lately, just gum. I'm more into petty theft from my surroundings really
How do you want to Die: A quick instant death, preferably saving the world as I go. What the hell, I want to be mid-orgasm too
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A movie director, a happy movie director, that is a movie director who is happy, not one that makes happy movies. I mean, I will make happy movies but I've got some nice nasty ideas too
What country would you most like to Visit: All of them really but realistically, Sweden, Russia, Holland, Japan, USA
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: blue with blonde, brown with brunette, green with whatever, but anything goes, as long as they sparkle
Favourite Hair Color: see above, although I prefer hair when it doesn't sparkle. Actually blue eyes on a brunette is kinda nice too
Short or Long Hair: Medium, unless you mean down below, in which case I like it shaved but not completely (I need a bit to remind me she's over 12)
Height: Slightly taller than me but not so much that we look ridiculous next to each other
Weight: Gotta have something to hold, I don't like anorexic stick insects who might snap if I hold them too hard, but I don't like morbidly obese either. I think it's nice when a girl's a bit soft round the middle, nice to hold, as long as there's no risk of being engulfed by it
Best Clothing Style: Casual, especially in the summer, and it doesn't hurt if it's a size or 2 too small...
Number of Drugs I have taken: I've shroomed twice and got stoned a few times, I'm tempted to do some salvia, as long as no one films my reaction, unless I'm tripping with others
Number of CDs I own: 103 (100th was LA Woman by the Doors if you wanna know, but you probably don't but it's out there now for all to see. You all suck), lots of indie shit in there but I like all that so fuck you
Number of Piercings: None, unless you count standing on a nail. Fucking hurt
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A lot of petty little things, and one I'm currently living
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Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56%
Stability |||| 20%
Orderliness |||||||||| 33%
Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||| 23%
Mystical |||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Religious |||||| 30%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 70%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 43%
Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50%
Work ethic |||||| 30%
Self absorbed |||||||||||| 43%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Avoidant |||| 16%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Wealth |||||||||||| 43%
Dependency |||||||||||||| 56%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||| 36%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63%
Physical security |||||| 30%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 44%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||| 43%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Female cliche |||||||||| 36% Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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