What can I say about myself without sounding ridiculous?:
A very intelligent woman once told me 'excuses are a testimonal to failure and you, my dear, have failed.' Everyone makes mistakes, some of them horrible, some of them foolish and some of them inane, and I have certainly made my share of all three but I am not embarrassed by any of it. If you are embarrassed you cannot accept what has taken place, whatever it is, and if you cannot accept it you cannot learn from it. The more I experience the more I am aware of my personal failings, both past and present, and I do what is in my power to learn from and address them, not hide from them in embarrassment. When you fail the only worthy act of contrition is to do whatever you can to not fail in those ways again, but remember that hardly anyone will believe you or take you seriously: there is no forgiveness in this world beyond forgetting.
In short, what I can say about myself without sounding ridiculous is that I am honest. I do not wear a mask, what one sees is merely the combination of how far one looks and whether one would accept reality and circumstance or simply invent one to suit whatever makes their mind comfortable. Dismiss it if you like but I have always found it very interesting that, because most people are easily embarrassed and intellectually lazy, what people see is largely a projection of what they want to see and themselves.
Pay attention. Think. Reflect. Learn. Grow.
Important information:
-Sometimes simple words are not enough and, certainly, complex words will not do. Sometimes passive actions are insufficient and, unfortunately, assertive actions become necessary.
-I am not on MySpace for the petty games of overgrown and immature children. I am here to (1) keep track of bands I listen to, (2) keep in touch with friends that may be otherwise difficult to keep in contact touch with, (3) keep my poetry in a convenient place for interested parties while I can and (4) perhaps, just perhaps, meet some interesting people I would not normally be able to meet. That said, if I do not correspond regularly with people on my friends list I do not see a reason to keep them there. This, of course, does not include those in possession of a legitimate reason to avoid regular correspondence. Clutter must be swept, no?
-It seems that some people choose to not accept what they read, that I choose not to take place in their childish and immature fancies is problematic to them. Age is irrelevant to maturity and that much is obvious, the relevant fact is the rarification of experience. Such an act requires a more or less direct volition and epistemic honesty wherein humility is implicit. Simply put, we must each be willing to look within ourselves and be honest about what we find: that is the only way we mature, the only way we grow.
-If you have a question, ask: the worst possible thing that can happen is that I give you an answer.
Miscellaneous and, perhaps, wholly unimportant information:
-I have three tattooes: one large one on either shoulder blade and one on the back of my neck.
-I have taught fencing at a community college, the youngest adjunct to ever work at the college at the age of 20.
-I study Isshin-ryu martial arts and Muai Thai kickboxing; my rank is as unimportant as it is unnecessary.
-I hate being a poet but at least I have finally accepted it.
-I have seen Vintersorg on his only appearance to America and Sentenced on their only two appearances to America.
-I have a fondness for Soren Kierkegaard, Bertrand Russell, Rainer Maria Rilke, the Marquis de Sade, W.B. Yeats, Terry Goodkind and CLAMP.
-I listen to black metal and wear slacks, dress shirts and ties almost every day. I've been center stage, right on the rail at a Dimmu Borgir show wearing slacks and a navy blue sweater. Why? I like it and I don't conform: that is black metal.
More miscellaneous and, perhaps, important information:
-The more I think about it the more I cannot imagine any poet writing because they want to, because they operate under the delusion that poetry is a noble and beautiful enterprise. Poets write out of pain, necessity and Nature. Without this trinity I cannot imagine a single line of verse coming into fruition and, should others think about it, they just might agree with me.
-Believe what you choose to believe. I am not here to convince you of the legitimacy of any of my beliefs or the illegtimacy of any of yours. Not one of us is perfect and we would all do well to endeavour sagacity through epistemic humility. Too much epistemic humility is just as absurd as too much skepticism and I have felt the teeth of both and bear the scars. Part of this is having the courage to accept what you cannot change, the rest is having the courage to change what you cannot accept. Ask questions and find that balance yourself.
-Poetry can be likened to Dante's Hell: it has many levels. Most people who read poetry are only able to experience it on one or two levels, being the surface level of the poem and the first emotive layer that lacks subtlety. This is much like most people being unable to taste the richness and complexity of a good wine. Being unable to experience the richeness of the wine or the poem does not, by any stretch, mean that one should stop drinking wine or reading poetry. Poetry speaks to us as much as we let it, as much as we are able to let it. When one reads poetry they should explore, think and feel and, no matter the circumstances, never stop doing any of the three. Thus, a true poem is like good wine, rich and full of passion, it pours forth from the soul of the poet.
There, I think that this is good enough for now.
